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Lovelace Unraveling

Well, I've been talking about this awhile, so you guys knew it was coming. But, basically, some random day on chat like a month ago or whatever a bunch of us were talking about how crazy and ridiculous it would be if we all lived together in Hawaii. Well, I suppose you can guess by now who thought that was an excellent idea for a fanfic. And thus, this blog was born. So...

All members and friends of the Lovelace Family are hereby formally invited to join us as Camp Lovelace opens up its doors once again for the summer session. Camp will be held this year in the beautiful state of Hawaii, where each and every camper will have a fortnight of fun! Anyone wishing to attend camp should post in the comments.

So, without further ado, let the crazy family time begin!

(All chapters are in my POV unless otherwise indicated.)

Prologue: Aloha from Camp Lovelace

"Thank you for coming, sir! Welcome to Camp Lovelace and the Sheraton Maui!"

I simply can't put all these sights into words yet. I'm on a balcony, perhaps thirty feet above the hotel's private pool area, which sits right against Black Rock on the famous Ka'anapali Beach. "Oh, man...Mahalo nui, sir. This is quite impressive."

"More than you were expecting? The islands will do that to you, especially if it's your first time."

"Much more. When is the technical arrival time?"

"Four P.M. It's only about 2:30 now."

" there anything I should do now that I'm the only one here?"

"No, actually, one arrived before you." Well, it only figures that Kekai would show up early to his own party. It's summer, he'd be doing the exact same things anyway. Lying on the beach, swimming, and sitting on the computer chatting with the rest of us. He might as well do it here.

As I peer off over the balcony at the sparkling blue waters of the Pacific, a force slams into me from my right. My instinctive reaction is to throw myself away form the balcony and onto the ground, taking my assailant with me.

I roll over and come face to face with the person who tackled me.


Of course.

"Hey, uh, Julia?"


"Could you get your knee out of my ribs?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry about that...well, isn't this going to be something else? Two weeks in Hawaii?"

"It should be something else, Julia. Hey, glad to see you! Kekai on his way?"

She pulls her phone out of her pocket to check the time. "Oh, CRAP! I was supposed to call him half an hour ago! Be right back!" She dashes off, leaving me alone, so I wander back to my spot on the balcony, where I was before Julia tackle-hugged me.

Front and center, ten miles across the water, the island of Lana'i rises three thousand feet. Off to my right is Black Rock, apparently home to some spectacular reefs. Another island, Moloka'i, peeks out from behind it.

Julia's right. One way or another, this is going to be something else.

Chapter 1: Ridiculous Greetings and Whatnot

I think I knew as soon as I got here that the faces wouldn't just come and go. Slowly but surely, my fellow campers begin to file in, and each and every one of us stays to greet the next. Eventually, we have enough people to make a tunnel that people can run through. The first person to show up after that is Wes, and we immediately ditch the idea when he starts trying to do the worm inside the tunnel and then starts humping the air as soon as he gets out. I suppose I didn't expect much different from him, but still. As more people start to show up, it gets even crazier.

"Hiya, guys!"




It goes on for a while like this until we hear a loud "WASSSSUP BEEEYYOTCHESSS?"

Well, good to know Lauren hasn't changed much. We're still standing in two lines, so she still has a path to run through...or somersault through. I roll my eyes again and look over at Dani, who just shrugs. Again, I figured.

Something slams into me from behind for the second time today, and I'm not expecting it at all. I go flying straight into the center of the path, right where Lauren happens to be. I stick out my hands to protect my head, and Lauren, in the middle of another somersault, gets sent flying into Emma. I pull myself to my knees, and a braid of long, dark hair falls over my face.

"Bella, GET OFF ME."

She sighs. "How'd you know it was me?"

"Basically everybody who would tackle me is here except Liza. She doesn't have black hair."

"...Fine. Carry on."

"The better question is how did you get over there?"

"I came from the beach. Duh."

"...Fair enough. Carry on." She rolls her eyes at me again and squeezes into the line between Ash and I.

Kekai, apparently, decided that it would be "super cool" if he was the last one to show up to what was practically his own party. It's one little island-hop flight for him, he SHOULD be the first one here...but no. He has to go and...well, pull a Kekai on the rest of us. When he finally shows up, he does so by dancing up to the front of the line, tossing up a pineapple, and then sprinting through the line as fast as he can to try and catch it. He slides to try and get it, but misses. The pineapple narrowly bounces over his head as he goes careening by. Typical. We all roll our eyes, and he awkwardly walks up to Julia, shaking his hips. She waves hi to him and he rushes off to stand next to Erlend.

Everybody is here now...everybody but one...where could she be?

I check my phone, and sure enough, there's a text waiting for me:

Plane is having problems with a gas leak or something. Stuck in Honolulu airport. Wish they'd just let me fly my own friggen plane over to Kahului. Be there by tonight, see you soon! <333

Liza, darling, I'll be right here, waiting for you.

Chapter 2: Fit for a Queen

The crowd slowly begins to disperse as we realize we should probably check in and grab our room keys. All of our rooms, apparently, have a private lanai. I can dig it.

On the way to the check-in desk, I run into Annie, who looks like she's about ready to smash somebody's face in. "Annie, what's up?"


"Oh, gosh...did something happen back home? Is everybody okay?"


Oh, gosh...maybe I don't want to be talking to her at this point...

"It's okay. Cheer up."


"Just send a quick text to Justin, that should help."


"But he likes you."


"No, trust me, it's real."

"JEEZ, YOU AREN'T HELPFUL AT ALL!" She storms off in the direction of the girls' rooms. I call out to her, "Math can help you calm down too!" Five seconds later, I hear a door slam.

Well, that went down well.

Dinner rolls around, and I begin to prepare myself for the greatest luau ever. No such luck. Apparently, there's a place down in Lahaina that makes the best pineapple pizza in the world, and they deliver to Ka'anapali. Not what I was expecting, but whatever. Hey, it's pineapple and pizza, we'll take it. And as a camp, we completely devour about twenty pizzas before we're down to just three slices. Clearly, somebody forgot that we're teenagers.

I hold up the box. "Three pieces left. Kiki, they're all yours."

She just rolls her eyes at me. "Cheese? Ew, no thanks."

"Fine, be that way. I'm saving these for Liza. We doing a campfire tonight?"

Kekai just laughs. "Dude, we're doing a campfire every night."

"All right, party at eight then?"

"Sounds good!" The others return to their rooms. I, meanwhile, head out to the front of the hotel. The pavement is burning from the afternoon sun, but I sit down on the little hill anyways and gaze down at the golf course.

A few people walk by on the path down to the shops at Whalers Village. I'll have to head down there at some point as well. Tonight, though, I'm waiting on something else. Someone else.

And that someone else just happens to be sitting in the passenger seat of a rented Honda Odyssey that pulls up into the drop-off loop. As soon as the car is parked, the door bursts open, and Liza greets me with a hug for the third time today. This time, I'm expecting it.

"Liza, you're finally here!"

She giggles. "Yeah, finally."

"Hey, it's great to see you. How's the Aloha State treating you so far?"

"Pretty well, I must say! Did you get that lei here?"

"Yeah, plumeria. I'll pick up one for you. Now, come on, darling. You HAVE to see the view out over the beach." I take her hand and start to whisk her into the hotel when the driver of the minivan calls out "Miss, your suitcase?"

"Ah...whoops." She dashes off to pick it up quickly and follows me inside. As she checks in, I grab her a lei and place it around her neck when she returns. She just giggles again. "Why, thank you, good sir. You know, this is kinda heavy for a necklace-type thing."

I smile. "A necklace-type thing fit for a queen like you. Welcome to Hawaii, darling."

Chapter 3: A Hawaiian Campfire Song Song


"Erlend, stop, please, your lyrics are wrong!"

Erlend, much to my dismay, starts cackling like a maniac. "Nice one, Caylin. Now seriously, people, are we singing something or what?"

Oli and Wes stand up and nod at each other. "I do believe we are, Erlend."




I do see. Ah, the stars are out tonight...

"Uh, Wes, what's the next line?"

"Seriously, Oli? We've barely started."

"Yeah, whatever. Anybody else?"


About half the campers rush over to tackle Annie and prevent her from singing any further. "Okay, guys, maybe we should...try this another night?"

Dani raises her hands in the air. "THANK YOU, COLIN!"

"No problem. How about we rest up? We're going snorkeling tomorrow."

The crowd murmurs in agreement and disperses. One day gone, thirteen to go. This is gonna be good.

Chapter 4: Well, We're Teenagers...

"Rise and shine, Colin."

I roll over onto my back in bed, momentarily forgetting where I am and why I'm here as I soak in the comfort of this wonderful Hawaiian bed. Then I open my eyes.

"Anna, how the hell did you get into my room?"

She holds up a white card. "You gave me a universal key."

I look back up at her. "I did?"

"Yes. Remember, I'm helping you make sure we don't burn this place down or something? You have a card just like this."

"Okay then. Why are you here?"

"Uh...because it's almost 11 AM?"

"OH, CRAP!" I throw my sheets to the side, jump out of bed and frantically search for the key identical to Anna's. I throw my schedule in my back pocket and start to follow Anna out the door.

"Uh, Colin?"


"Are you going to put on a shirt?"

"See, this is why you don't let yourself into my room while I'm sleeping!" I toss on the closest shirt I can find, a simple Milwaukee Brewers t-shirt, and start heading down towards the beach.

"Okay. So, we're still getting things set up. We're missing a few people still, but you can help me sort through the masks and flippers. We should be okay, but let's just make sure." As we get to the beach, sure enough, there is a stand with a huge pile of snorkeling masks that Anna appears to have partially sorted through. I take a look down at the actual beach. 

Annie is lying on the sand, reading whatever book she remembered to take off the plane. Kekai is laying out the paddle boards that we'll be using closer to shore. Other than the two of them, the beach is completely empty.

"Anna, what time did you say it is?"

"By now? Probably about 11."

I just sigh. "Well, we are teenagers. Come help me wake up these lazy bums, will you?" She chuckles, and we walk together back up the path to our rooms.

Well, normally, I don't want to use this key too much. But there is one little exception.

I silently slip into Liza's room and tap her on the shoulder.

Chapter 5: Two Tickets to Paradise

"Wake up, little sleepyhead."

Liza yawns softly, rolling onto her back to look up at me. "Oh. Morning, Colin."

"How did you sleep?"

She yawns again. "Well, apparently pretty good. I take it I overslept a little?"

"Of course, just a little. What do you want for lunch?"

"Meh, I'm not really that hungry."

"That's okay then. We snorkel in an hour. Oh, and you should fill out one of these."

"Uh...Colin, what are these?"

"Two tickets to paradise, my dear."

She lets out a giggle and sits up in bed. "No, seriously."

"Waivers for when we go ziplining. We need them filled out."

"All right. Are you going to wake me up like this every day?"

I shrug. "Well, I will if you sleep in this late every day. All right, I have to go get the lunch ready. I'll just grab you a turkey sandwich or something, okay?"

"Sounds wonderful."

"All right. See you soon, dear." I lean in to give her a quick kiss on the forehead before heading back to the beach to make sure it hasn't been destroyed yet.

Well, it's safe to say I know who I want to snorkel with today.

Chapter 6: I Sea Turtles


I watch as my audience silently shrugs and nods, eager to get out into the sparkling blue waters of the Pacific. I won't hold them back any longer, but...I wouldn't say I'm worried, but I'll have to keep my eyes open.

"Okay, now go, whatever."

As about half the camp immediately bursts into the ocean, I hear a couple of screams. "Oh, guys, it drops off a little suddenly, by the way."


"Berry, you're fine. Jay, it never really gets past thirty or forty feet deep. Caylin, put your flippers back on."

The three of them collectively groan and I walk up to Liza. "Fancy a swim, my dear?"

"Why, of course, my lord, anything for you." We slip out into the ocean as well, making a steady line for the corner of Black Rock, where the coral lies. I gaze around, taking in all the beautiful tropical fish that I've never before seen. I smile over at Liza and she smiles back at me.

A movement in the distance catches the corner of my eye, and I squint a little to see it, but as it comes closer, I begin to gaze in awe. I tap Liza's arm and simply point.

A beautiful, majestic Hawaiian green sea turtle is headed straight for us. As I take her hand, there's nothing we can do but stop and stare.

It continues swimming towards us, seemingly waving its front flipper at us. Liza waves back at the turtle and I give her a playful smile. It keeps coming closer and closer until finally it swims directly under us and disappears for a short second.

Of course, it's easy enough to turn around.

"HONU!" Kekai yells to the crowd, and they all come rushing this way. I shrug and follow the turtle in towards the reef and shore for a slight distance longer, until it is completely surrounded by my fellow campers.

"Liza, you wanna check out what it's like around the point? I've heard the reefs over there are pretty impressive."

"Sounds good, babe." These reefs are even better than the near ones: much closer to the surface of the water (be sure not to touch them), built on seemingly rolling hills of volcanic rock (no, I can't explain it), and containing an even greater assortment of fish (yes, the humuhumunukunukuapua'a is the duckface one). It's beautiful. Until I realize something.

We've been moving over this reef system for about three minutes now and have seen a good chunk of it. Neither of us has swam a single stroke.

"Uh, Liza? You think we can swim back against this little current here?"

She glances up at me, realizing for the first time just where we are. Black Rock is no longer towering over us. We've seen perhaps two hundred yards of reef, and it's now a decent way into the distance.

"Did you plan this?"

"No. Why?"

"It's okay, Colin. I'm happy to stay over here with you."

"I love you too, darling. You think we should just swim down to the beach over there and walk back?"

"Sounds good to me." And so we do.

I wonder what the others will make of this...oh, god.

Chapter 7: Let's Have A Kiki

"Are you SURE, Colin?"

"Kiersten, we forgot about the current, that's all there is to it. It's not like we went up to Kapalua, we went maybe two hundred yards."

"I don't believe you."

"You should."


"Because I have a key and can sneak into your room if you don't."

Kiki grumbles. "Fine. Don't expect me to eat any pineapple tonight." She wanders off, probably to go find Gareth. The two of them are almost as cute as Liza and I.


Being one of the leaders of camp, my absence was well noted. I'm sure Kiki wasn't the only one who had some interesting thoughts when they heard what went down, but Anna kept everything under control. We do make a good team.

Tonight is the night of the first big luau, and preparations are already underway on the beach. Bella is setting up torches, Oli is arranging tables and chairs, and Kekai is handling pineapples without destroying them. How nice of him.

Eventually, we all meet back up in the hotel lobby around 5:30. To my surprise, a hotel employee hands me a microphone.

"Uh, what am I supposed to do with this?"

"Talk, sir."

"No, really? I mean, about what?"

"They wanted you to talk."

Well...okay then. "So, was your day snorkeling?"

This is met with a large round of woops and clapping. "You ready to take in some more of Hawaii?"

I get the same result, with an "OH, YEAHHHH!" added from the background. Erlend is staring at me, looking completely nonchalant.

"Erlend, do they even have Kool-Aid in Norway?"

"I don't know, never really looked."

"Well, that's nice. So, uh, without further guys ready for a luau?"


"I can't hear you!"


"THEN LET'S HAVE A KIKI!" We all start going wild, and I lead these people I call my friends down to the beach.

Chapter 8: The Kiki

How in the world are we supposed to eat all of this food?

The mighty Kalua pig has been prepared for this great feast, along with heaps of pineapple and various other fruits, bread of all kinds, and poi. Something tells me the poi won't be a big hit, but whatever.

I start off with some pork, grab a roll, and keep walking until I find the pineapple. I can practically feel the freshness radiating from it. Then I realize just how much there is.

"Twenty pineapples? There aren't  THAT many of us."

"I know, sir," chuckles the man. "We just figured we'd be prepared."

"Well, I can help you with that." Since only about four pineapples are actually cut up at this point, I take one of the uncut ones and tuck it under my arm like a football, since it doesn't come close to fitting on my plate. I figure that should be good for now and head back to sit next to Liza, Kiki, Gareth and Caylin. All four of them stare at me with wide eyes.

Kiki just stares at me. "You are not possibly going to eat that whole thing."

I just grin back at her. "Watch me, Kiki. KEKAI, HOW THE HELL DO I CUT THIS THING?"


Twenty minutes and one pineapple later, I raise my fork in the air in victory. Kiki gets up, telling me "I think I'm gonna be sick", and dashes off.

Liza just smiles and laughs. "Babe, was that really necessary?"

"Hey, you've tasted this. Of course it was. Now I can finally eat my pork in peace."

Soon, we're headed over for another campfire on the beach. Kiki, not looking sick in any way, is carrying a ukelele out to the fire in one hand and a guitar in the other. She looks a little anxious, but excited nonetheless. I take Liza's hand, making sure that we're the first to get there so we can sit facing west over the ocean, where the sun has just set and the island of Lanai rises up ten miles into the distance.

Kiki strums the ukelele once and a hush falls over the campers. "Okay, guys, I'm sorry if this sucks. But I don't seem to have a choice in this matter, guys ready?"


Kiki rolls her eyes at us (naturally) and begins to play. She begins with a melody I don't recognize, and it doesn't appear that anybody else does either. It's a slow little tune, but it's a great one to capture our attention. She then quickly launches into one we can all sing along to. And so we perform a rousing rendition of "Sweet Caroline" with half the campers only joining in for the "bum bum bum" and the other half singing their hearts out. Liza and I are proud members of the latter, thank you very much.

We keep going on like this, running through all the classics that we all know. Kiki bends each and every thing she plays really well to fit her new instrument, and it's pretty easy to tell she knows exactly what she's doing. I never knew "Livin' On A Prayer" could sound so good on ukelele. And so I'm slightly disappointed when Kiki tells us she's done for the night. But I'm really glad I got to experience it.

I pull her over as I'm walking back up to my room for the night. "Again tomorrow?"

"Play and sing?" I nod. "...I will as long as you don't freak me out with that much pineapple, okay?"

I start laughing as I head in, and I'm feeling as good as I ever have.

If Kiki can play and sing like that, then the sky is the limit for this camp. There's no doubt about it now. These two weeks will be the best of my life.

Chapter 9: On The Road Again

As I expected, I'm right back here where I was yesterday. "Liza, darling? You overslept."

She tosses around in bed and slowly opens her eyes. "Huh?"

"Uh, remember, I'm teaching you to golf today? We have to leave for Kapalua in forty-five minutes."

"Oh...yeah, okay...wait, CRAP! Meet you at breakfast!" I dash out of the room and head to breakfast as quickly as I can. Julia and Annie are there, that makes three for golf. Julia's actually gone out and borrowed a visor from somebody. She actually looks ready to golf. Annie, on the other hand, looks completely uninterested. I don't remember why she was a part of the foursome in the first place, but whatever. I'll find a way to make this work.

"Hey, Annie! You ready for golf?"

"Oh...yeah, that's today. Uh, sure!"

"Good. Hey, be sure to bring two pairs of pants!"


"It isn't obvious? In case you get a hole in one!"

Annie overexaggerates a facepalm and heads back to her room, hopefully to put on some more appropriate clothing for golf. I pull Anna off to the side.

"Okay, you're in charge today or whatever, you got that? I know you can handle this, you'll do fine. Just don't let Jay have too much pie, and it should be all right."

"Yes, Colin. I'm sure that's all it will take."

"Surely. Seriously, Anna, you'll do fine. Have a great day!" As I turn around, Liza dashes back in in her golfing apparel, which is nearly identical to Julia's. Maybe they can call themselves sisters today.

"All right, guys, we'll be back around two o'clock! Don't make Anna call me, please! See you later!" We head out into the parking lot, where the minivan is waiting to take us up to Kapalua. We climb into the car together, and I turn to Annie. "Hey, did you know that a lion would never cheat on his wife?"

"I did not know that, Colin. That is absolutely fascinating."

"Well, he wouldn't. But a Tiger Wood."

Annie facepalms yet again, likely beginning to wonder why the heck she agreed to go with us in the first place. But, one way or another, I'm excited. Golf at Kapalua...I simply doubt that anything can be better.

Hey, even if Annie gets bored, she can still text Justin.

Chapter 10: Kapalua

I stand on the tee, overlooking the first of eighteen great holes I shall play today. The first hole is a par four of decent length, with a tee shot that drops off and a fairway that slopes a bit off to the left before a carry over a gorge leads to a wide green with a bunker in front. Slowly, I find my stance, take a deep breath, and hit the first drive of the day.

It's not an overly long shot, but it's downhill, so it should carry far enough. It stays pretty straight with just a slight tail. The prevailing winds push it over to the right side of the fairway. The left side offers an easier approach to the green, but I'll take a fairway drive however I can get it.

"All right! Your guys's turn." I hop back into the special four-person cart we requested (I'm the only one who can legally drive it) and head down to the ladies' tee. "Who's first?"

The three stare at each other for quite some time until by silent agreement Annie is the first to come to the tee. Apparently her swings on the driving range were enough, because she takes a swing at the ball without any warmups and proceeds to hit a low ball that quickly hits the ground, but manages to skip forward to about eighty yards or so off the tee. Not bad for the first drive. "Nice work, Annie, you're in the fairway! Try to remember to use a tee next time, okay?"

She mumbles "I knew I was forgetting something" and Liza hits her first drive. She gets a good angle on it and pulls it slightly off to the left side of the fairway. Julia does the same but misses right. Both, again, are good drives for the first time out.

I turn to Julia. "That actually went pretty far for you. Have you been lifting weights?"

"What do you think, Colin?"


"Of course." We continue to play the hole, and the three actually impress me with how quickly they've picked up the game. I have a chance for bogey- still a good score for me, at least on this course- but I miss my putt two inches to the right. I pick up a six to go along with a trio of 9s by my playing partners. They've adapted well, but it's always difficult for a beginner to learn to control a chip, and it cost all of them on this hole.

We work our way through the front nine. Our shots become more consistent, and I pick up the first par of the day at hole six and nearly get another at seven. Liza and Julia have both gotten down to double bogey- Liza at three, Julia at three and six- and I can see their short game begin to improve. Annie, though, seems quite uninterested. She still isn't really dressed for golf, but there's nothing I can do about it now.

We then reach the eighth hole, a spectacular par-three with a tee shot that must carry a gorge and land on a green that, although wide, is not long at all and slopes steeply from back to front. Even the guys on tour find this to be a very difficult hole.

I analyze my shot, take out a four-iron, and swing, hoping for the best.

Chapter 11: Seemingly Infinite Chaos (Anna's POV)


"What is it now, Dustin?"


How many times do I have to tell this kid that ping trolling doesn't exist in real life? I don't get what's so hard about that..."Emma!"

Emma spins around and hurries over as fast as she can while staying focused on whatever game she's playing on her iPad. "Yeah, Anna?"

"Go watch Survivor or something with Dustin so he'll stop bugging me."

"Uh..." She starts to giggle at the awkwardness of the situation. "I can try, I guess." Dustin opens his mouth to speak, but Emma drags him away to who knows where. I suppose I'm just glad to have the two of them off my hands....

"Hey, Anna, do we have corn?"

"Wait until lunch, Adrian."

"What about pie?"

"Not right now, Jay....I'll look into it." Of course, as soon as I can finally track down the staff and ask them about lunch, Jade comes up to me.

"Anna, can you look this stuff over for me?"

"I'd love to...but you know my English isn't that good."

"It is now."

I just sigh. "Sorry, Jade...I just don't have the time to talk Pokemon right now."

She nods. "Yeah...these guys are kinda nuts. Hey, Colin owes you for this, I'll hold him to it."

"No, I can handle this. I could use your help, though...Hey, Josh? Would you mind checking the beach, making sure everything's running?"

Josh looks up, gives me a thumbs-up sign and starts walking down the stairs to the beach. That should help me a ton.

When things finally begin to settle down a little, I head back down to the beach with the others and find Jason and Bella lying together, discussing JJ's games. "Mind if I join you two?"

Jason looks up. "Sure, no problem! I was just asking Bella if she had any good tribute ideas lately..."

I sit down to talk with the two of them, and the minutes pass by, slowly but surely. I've found a little peace here, but at the same time...I know it's just an illusion.

These guys won't stay quiet for long.

Chapter 12: Back On The Links

The shot lands on the narrow right side of the green and takes a bounce left towards the flag. The second bounce takes it to the top of the green, where it begins to roll back down towards the pin. I hold my breath, and Liza stands on her tiptoes and yells "COME ON, BABY!"

The ball rolls just off to the left side and comes to a stop about two feet from the pin.

A smile on my face, I tip my hat to the crowd as I walk with the girls down to the red tees.

Play continues as normal until the eleventh, where Annie is beginning to get bored. Eleven has a great view of the ocean and the island of Molokai, so she decided it would be a wonderful idea to start taking selfies while the rest of us were teeing off. As soon as it's clear she won't snap out of it, I throw a tee at her. "What are you doing?"

"Uh, fine. Can I text Leslie or something?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever, just don't mess us up."

And so she does over the next few holes. It becomes clear to me over the next few holes that Anna's having a little difficulty keeping all those guys in check. Leslie, thankfully, is helping her out. We could use people like her.

Fifteen is a switchback par-five with a valley in the middle, and so when Annie decides to go rolling down the hill on her side, I have to quickly stop her. "What was that for?"

"Annie, this is a world-class golf course, act like it." Her phone goes off, and I quickly snatch it out of her pocket. "Let's see what Leslie has to say about this stain." I prepare to take a photo for her when I notice who the new message is actually from.


Oh, how absolutely perfect.

I flip the phone around for Annie to see, and her eyes go wide. Quickly, I hold the phone high above my head. I've got a good nine inches on her, she won't be able to reach it. "Let's see what Justin has to say, actually."

Hey girl ;)

I type a quick "I miss you <3", press send, and flip the phone back to Annie. She looks at the text I sent, and her eyes cast upon me with murderous rage.

"Liza, Julia? A little help here?"

Annie just sighs. "You're lucky the two of us aren't golfing alone."

After three more holes of listening to Annie complain (although seemingly more, because the 18th is 663 yards and I opted to play from the back tees for the heck of it), we're finally ready to head back to Ka'anapali.

Let's see just how bad our friends trashed this place.

Chapter 13: Saving Private Anna

I'm about ready to pass out by the time we get back to Ka'anapali, despite the fact that it's only about two o'clock in the afternoon. Annie decided to sit in the way back of the van on the ride home just to be as far away from me as possible. However, apparently Justin doesn't believe that one of her friends sent the text to him. At least there's some good in that.

Emma, apparently, was assigned to parking lot patrol simply so that she could notify us as soon as we got back of the problems that had arisen. She mutters "Oh, thank god," as we rush back into the hotel. Julia rushes over to the bell that we've stationed in the lobby to call everyone together and rings it three times.

Naturally, after three minutes Anna and Kekai are the only ones who have actually shown up. The others, I'm guessing, are either hanging out in their rooms with music turned up really loud or are down on the beach, out of the bell's range. Anna approaches me, a paper in her hand. "Colin, these are all problems that showed up, and so I made a list of a few rules I think we should implement." I quickly scan over the list:

No real-life ping trolling

No arguing over Survivor, Walking Dead, Doctor Who or Game of Thrones

No complaining about food (if you want corn, go get it yourself)

No asking to borrow the universal key

No stealing the universal key when it isn't given to you

No swimming in the koi pond

No arguing over the legitimacy of Jannie

And for crying out loud, NO CLIFF DIVING OFF OF BLACK ROCK!!!

I look up at Anna. "Well, sounds like you had an interesting day. Cliff diving?"

"Oh, don't worry, Erlend should be fine, it just scared the crap out of the rest of us."

"Well...all right then. Uh, how about we just head down to the beach and try to sleep or something? I think we could use it."

Anna nods, and a faint smile forms on her lips. "Yeah, I think I would like that." Taking Liza's hand, I lead the way as the six of us head down to the beach for some peace and quiet.

The beach is empty save for Lily and Caylin, who have both gathered quite a tan. I tap Lily on the shoulder just to make sure she isn't sleeping and ask, "Have you two been here all day?"

She looks at me oddly for a few seconds and then shrugs. "Yeah, pretty much."

"So, have you escaped today's chaos?"

This time it's Caylin that turns to give me a quizzical look. "Chaos? What chaos?"

I roll out my towel on the beach next to Liza's and lie down. "If you guys didn't hear that, than consider yourselves lucky." I throw on a little more sunscreen and get set to enjoy the warmth of the afternoon sun.

Chapter 14: Kiki 2.0

Today, we've decided to do dinner a little bit differently. Well, okay, a lot differently.


We've found gigantic cups that we can use for today's smoothies, which basically make up the whole dinner. It's kind of a mix of everything. Coconut, mango, pineapple, dragonfruit, passionfruit, banana, kiwi, orange...yeah.

But the best part?

Why, we can take these cups in the pool, of course.

Naturally, Adrian grabs the first cup off the table and immediately does a cannonball straight into the pool without checking to see how deep it is. He bounces immediately back out of the water because it's only four feet deep. I slide in beside him. "Might want to check that next time. KIKI, GRAB THE ONE WITH YOUR NAME ON IT!"

"Why? What's in it?"


"Mkay." She grabs what I hope is the right one and comes to join us as the pool begins to slowly fill up. I spend most of 'dinner' talking to Bella about games. When it looks like we're all finished, I motion to Kiki to bring out the guitar, and we prepare for another epic party.

And, sure enough, that's just what we get.

Whatever was in the fruit, it seems to be doing the trick, because we're singing along to absolutely everything. I'm actually moderately pleased that Kiki knows this many songs, given that she seems to listen to a lot of rap and other so-called music. She's a new person on stage, it seems, and she thrives this way.

Pretty soon, it's time to head back to our rooms. We need our rest. Ziplining tomorrow...something tells me this will go horribly wrong, but if we can pull it off, nothing else will compare.

Only time will tell.

But this is Hawaii, and it sure seems that time is a friend here.

Chapter 15: Kahalawai

"So, nice to meet you guys! I'm Carl, and this is Paul, and we'll be your tour guides today."

Half the camp looks up, uninterested. "Hi Carl. Hi Paul."

"Okay, so, uh, rules, let's see...uh, we'll get you guys some food or something, I don't know. Keep a helmet on, keep stuff buckled, don't be stupid, use the bathroom before we leave, only start backwards when we tell you to, and if you're getting murdered by a wild boar, tell us, okay?"

I nod. "Sounds good."

"Oh, and for crying out loud, don't scare the chickens. We had a couple of young men yesterday who had some problems with that."

The company has three vans present to take us all up to the start of the course. Liza and I climb into the backseat of the first. Seeing as how we're driving off road and I occasionally get motion sick, this is probably a terrible idea, but whatever. I'm sure it'll be fine.

The van takes us down Highway 30 into Lahaina, where we turn left into the mountains and get a great view of the L that was carved out long ago to mark the city. The road takes us through a deserted area at first, but soon the gorges and valleys of the West Maui Mountains come into view. I haven't seen anything like it before.

These should be fun to zip over.

I turn to Liza. "You ready for this thing?"

She shrugs. "Ready as I'll ever be, I guess. If I fall, you're catching me."

I chuckle. "I'll do my best, dear."

The van pulls over at what is apparently an equipment shack, where we'll get all the stuff we need while ziplining, plus a water bottle for the heck of it. Hydration is always good. And, what do you know, there are chickens here. I'm about to question why that is when I hear a loud gasp from behind me.


Chapter 16: Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah


"Kiki, it's not my fault you didn't come prepared. You know what we were going to be doing."


"Kiki, just calm down. How many pairs of shoes did you bring?"


I pat her on the shoulder. "I'm sure you'll be just fine then." She grumbles and gets behind me in line to pick up our equipment for the day.

I must say, these mountains did not disappoint. The van takes us up near the top of a hill, looking down over a valley. We'll work our way back down to the equipment shack, zipping back and forth over the valley.

Carl and Paul show us what we're supposed to do, and it seems simple enough. Paul goes across the first short zip to receive us, and Carl stays to help the group get set up. Mia volunteers to go first, and the adventure is underway.

The group slowly files through the line on the first zip. This is going to take a while; our group is larger than normal. I'm at the end of the line between Kekai and Liza, We watch as Carl jokingly pushes Dani off the platform and she flies out over the gorge. He turns back and motions Julia toward the line. Hesitantly, she comes forward.

As Carl attaches her to the line, she asks, "Um...Carl? How deep is this gorge again?"

He thinks for a second. "At this point? I'd say two hundred feet. There are spots later on where it'll grow a little deeper."

Julia turns to Kekai, her face pale. "I...I-"

"It's completely safe, don't worry."

"But...what if...I don't know...I just...nope. I can't do it."

As Carl turns around, Kekai motions for him to come over and tells him, "It's okay, I can get her to go, just keep her asking questions, she'll be fine."

Carl's eyes grow wide. "Dude, you can't just-"

"I watched you do it."

"Is she your girlfriend?"

"Yeah, something like that."

"You got spunk, kid. Good luck." Carl walks back over to Julia to answer any further questions she may have, and Kekai creeps over to the zip...he's either a genius or a lunatic. Most likely both.

Julia takes a step forward to look out over the drop, and Kekai starts strapping himself in. Luckily for him, she doesn't shrink back or turn around. She turns to Carl instead. "Do I have to do this?"

Carl glances over at Kekai and grins. "Well, now you do."


Kekai yells "GERONIMO!", takes one step forward, and jumps, tackle-hugging Julia and sending them both careening out over the gorge.

Chapter 17: Zip-A-Dee-Ay


Kekai just chuckles. "Hey, it was fun, wasn't it?"


"But you're not scared of the thing anymore, right?"

"I suppose...but still, YOU SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME!"

"And you didn't mind one bit." Julia just shakes her head as we walk forward to the second zip. It appears as if they'll get progressively longer the farther down the valley we get.

Seeing as it takes forever to get all of us through with only two guides, we're about ready to stop for lunch halfway through. Carl and Paul lead us all out to a lookout area just to the south of the course, overlooking the adjacent valley. I take Liza's hand and lead her out to the railing. We stand there for what feels like an eternity, holding hands and gazing out into the valley that teems with life below our feet.

When the others begin to settle down, she whispers, "It's beautiful."

I grin. "Well, you came here for a reason, didn't you?"

"I suppose so."

I look off to my right. Up here in the hills, you can see all three of the adjacent islands: Moloka'i to the northwest, Lana'i to the west, and Kaho'olawe to the south. The buildings of Lahaina are a cluster of specks far below. The valleys stretch on for miles in both directions, and the peaks of Kahalawai tower above us in the east, looming with just a slight pinch of darkness that seems to add to their serenity.

I take a deep breath. "This might just be the second most beautiful thing I have ever seen."

Liza looks up at me, and I answer her unspoken question. "I think you know darn well what's first."

A quick kiss on the cheek is all we have time for before Annie starts yelling at us, but I'll take it.

Chapter 18: Fly Like An Eagle

After lunch, the ziplining goes quite smoothly. None of us falter more than slightly when Paul asks us to jump off one of the last zips backwards. It's been a great experience, but I think most of us are glad to be done. It's starting to get quite hot out.

We make a silent agreement to simply head back to camp and chill. Despite the fact that we have nothing planned for tomorrow, we're all a little tired, and a little rest could help us all out. I slip out of the way once we get back and settle down for a quick nap.

I'm soon woken up again with a tap on the shoulder. Anna is standing over me. Thankfully, I'm wearing a shirt this time around.


"They're being idiots again, Colin."

"And you expected something different? STOP BEING IDIOTS, GUYS!"

"I tried telling them to stop throwing fruit at each other; they didn't listen."

"...Please tell me there are no pineapples involved..."

"Don't worry, it's all just apples and oranges they stole from the people at the hotel. But do you think you can get them to cut it out?"

Reluctantly, I crawl back out of bed. "Need a tall person, do you now?"

"I don't think it has anything to do with my height. They just hate leadership. You know, rebellious teenagers, blah blah blah."

"Ah, see, but it does. It's just the person you are. Your voice, your personality, all that don't seem like you should be short. But you are. So they don't take you seriously."

"Fine. You go on believing that. I'm sure they'll listen to a tall person of REAL authority."

I stare at her for a second or two and laugh. "No they won't. I'm going back to bed."

Anna shakes her head, but carries a smile on her face as she walks out of my room. "You're not unlike them, you know. It's not like I should have expected anything else from you, either. With a grin, she's gone, and I'm left to sleep once again.

Chapter 19: The Chapter With No Real Title

Emma sits across the table from me, munching on a passion fruit. "So, I know tomorrow we're laying low, but what about the day after? What's the plan? This is really good, by the way."

"I suppose we need to schedule a day to head out to Iao Valley. It's not a horribly long drive. Not like Hana or anything. You guys think we should do that?" I'm met with a chorus of shrugs, and so we have a plan for the day after tomorrow.

I munch on another piece of fruit. I don't even know what it is, but it's delicious. "Gosh, it actually feels a little weird eating dinner without Kiki claiming to be sick to her stomach...wait a minute..." I scan my eyes over the small crowd we have. She's not there. "Have any of you guys seen her lately?"

Jay tells me, "I think she was on the beach with Caylin earlier...oh, gosh, where's Caylin?"

At this point, I'm starting to become a little worried. I'm sure they didn't wander too far, and I'm sure they could have found their way back...unless they were hurt somehow, in which case...I don't want to think about that...

I hear a loud noise off to my right, like somebody tapping on a door. I look up.

Caylin, thankfully, is standing up on the balcony with a microphone. Kiki is walking next to her, dragging...a garbage bin. A very large garbage bin, like the ones in my school cafeteria. What in the world...

Caylin pulls something out of the garbage.

A sword.

A fake, light, plastic sword, but unmistakeably a sword.

Kiki pulls out a toy slingshot and drags the bin over to the right. Caylin taps the microphone softly to get our attention and utters five words:

"The Purge has begun, suckers."

With that, she pushes the bin down the staircase, and dozens of toy weapons fly out.

Now this should be fun.


“WEAPONS! GET YOUR FAKE DEADLY WEAPONS HERE!” Josh is the first to reach the pile of hollow, plastic, and foam weapons that now covers the entire staircase down to the beach. I am right on his tail, and I grab what appears to be a wicked plastic sword that lies on the bottom step. I pass daggers to Liza and Emma before I am rushed up the stairs by Caylin, who is handing out masks.

I don't know where Caylin got any of this stuff from at all, but the idea is genius. Sure, it's stupid and will probably come back to bite us, but it's fun, and it gives us a sense of community and teamwork that we've often lacked.

As soon as most of us have masks and weapons, Caylin yells out, "ALL RIGHT, CHARGE! GET THE HOTEL EMPLOYEES!" A terribly practiced war cry emerges softly, and it makes us sound like wimps, but for now we'll take it.


"I don't know what the hell that is. So no."

"Ok. Carry on." Caylin finally slips on her mask and leads the charge back into the hotel. She heads straight for the front desk, knowing it's a wide-open target, but still a very important one.

We sound half like Vikings and half like mice.

There's only one man working the front desk at this time of day. We charge him fearlessly, swords out, slingshots ready, prepared to launch a foam attack on the guy.

Then another man pops up from underneath the desk.

Carrying two NERF guns, one of which he hands to his partner.

"Yeah, uh, this would be a good time to form testudo. Where are the shields?"

"We don't HAVE shields! This is the Purge, not a war!"

The man behind the desk just grins. "The Purge? THIS! IS! SPARTA!"

With a quick wink, he pulls the trigger.

Chapter 20: The Second Chapter With No Real Title

As I'm sure you can imagine, this is the point where all hell breaks loose.

The first bullet bounces harmlessly off Dani's extended sword. She shrugs and pulls herself up onto the front desk itself, taking at least three bullets to the chest in the process. Liza, Emma and I sneak around to the right side of the desk, ready to attack, but we give ourselves away too early. As soon as Dani has climbed over the desk and dealt her first blow, the two employees jump back over the desk- towards our crowd- and bolt.

As we chase after them, Annie calls out, "YA BETTER WATCH OUT! I'M A SAMURAI OR SOMETHING!"

Kiki is able to catch up to one of them and latch onto his back, slowing him down enough for the rest of us to catch up. The second takes the first's weapon and starts shooting at us with both guns, but soon Roma is able to catch up with him as well, tackling him to the ground.

At this point, we've proved our dominance, so, being the awkward teenagers we are, we quickly lose interest in the whole situation. Somebody yells out "ICE CREAM!" and a final war cry arises as we head back to the beach. I don't remember actually having any ice cream, but whatever. That can be quickly fixed.

With nothing actually planned to do for the next 24 hours, Annie comes up to me and asks, "Can I cook something tomorrow?"

"If I can eat it."

"Well, of course."

"Yeah, sure, whatever. We can head to the store in the morning if you need anything."

"Sounds good."




With nothing much going on, I head back to my room and pull out a book to relax for the night. Tomorrow should be...interesting, to say the least.

Chapter 21: Swag Sauce

A note was slipped under my door while I was asleep:

Dearest Colin,

I call shotgun.


Well, I guess I know what type of day this is going to be.

After breakfast, we all pile into the camp minivan. Annie is shotgun, I'm in the middle with Liza and Dustin, and Oli, Jay and Kiki have climbed into the back. Oli, for whatever reason, insisted on Kiki coming. I don't know what he has planned for her, but it can't be good...well, for her. For the rest of us, I'm sure it will be quite delicious.

When we arrive, Annie tells us, "Okay, so, uh, recipes, huh? Watcha got?"

Jay raises his hand quickly and shoves a piece of paper in Annie's face. "Cookie cake pie."

"Er...what the hell is that?"

"I have no idea."

"Fair enough. Kiki?"


"I can handle that. Oli?"

"Swag sauce."

"And what in the world is swag sauce?"

"I don't know, but it sounds delicious."

"That's nice. Now, seriously."


"Bacon is a must. Liza?"

Liza grins and passes her recipe to Annie. "Fish fingers and custard."

Annie smiles and high-fives Liza, but soon comes to a realization. "Wait, Liza, I thought you didn't like seafood."

"I don't."

"You're becoming more like me every day. Dustin?"

"Deep-fried Kool-Aid."

"Do you have a recipe?"


"Er...okay then. Quick find me one on your phone. Colin? The last one's your call."

I don't have a recipe prepared for Annie, so I think for a minute. "Well, you've really talked up your cinnam...wait a minute. Nope. Somebody's got to say it, so I guess it'll be me. Lamb stew. With dried plums. I'll find the recipe."

"Perfect. Now guys, let's all try to not destroy the grocery store, okay? This is really a quite simple process, so if- OLI, YOU BETTER BE GRABBING THAT CART FOR ME!"

Chapter 22: A Teaspoon of Mayhem

Sorry guys, I'm not really feeling up to this right now...I'll have this up as soon as I can. My cousins are in town and so I don't have much time to write anyways, and I'm going to camp soon, but...we'll see. Hopefully I'll find the words as soon as possible.

Update: Yeah, I'm going to camp, so don't expect anything soon, really...gah ;-;

I will have wifi at night though, so talk page messages, kik, email, yadda yadda yadda. Oh, and I have a skype now. I highly doubt I'll have the time to do anything other than check messages, but I'm there. potatolord19.

So...yeah, idk, see you guys around!


No, this is not an actual chapter, but I just have a few questions, and since I'm still brainstorming ideas it would really help me out if you guys could answer these, so, yeah, thanks :3

1. How many songs are on your iPod?

2. How good would you consider your sense of direction?

3. What’s the coolest place you’ve ever traveled to?

4. What sports teams do you cheer for?

5. Do you collect anything? If so, what?

6. If you had a pet Dalek, what would you name it?

7. Have you ever been drunk?

8. Who let the dogs out?

9. Are you okay with me making up a ship for your character? (n/a if you already have one)

10. On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you ship Jannie?

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