This is Cato Wood, live and in person, speaking to you, the citizens of Panem. C for Cato, the greatest name of the universe. A for Amazingness. T for training. O for orange underwear, orange!.... wait is it u? Hold on...


I do NOT have any kind of relationship with Glimmer, okay? She just wanted me for protection because you know how girls are always being such dopes and sobbing into boys' arms and stuff like that. Girls are weird, they almost never eat grass on purpose. But, I want to establish the fact that we do not have a "thing" going on. Take a minute to absorb that now. We are just friends, but we're like friendly enemies to each other. Plus, we're in an alliance. Plus, I already piss off Clove. Plus, that lizard was annoying. Plus, I don't really think that Glimmer likes me that much. She likes holding my hhand but that's probably because she wants us to get an electric charge and some of my awesomeness goes into her. So that's why she's been rubbing her feet on the shag carpet. WE DO NOT HAVE A THING. WE DO NOT HAVE IT, I TELL YOU. AND I TELL YOU GOOD AND WELL. Okay? :) I tried to save her because she was in my alliance. Also, she fell asleep on me and I couldn't lift her.


And one more thing... STAY. OUTTA. MY. DAYUM. SHED.

WARNING NOTICE AT THE TOP OF THE PAGE! This article is... copyrighted by purple crayons incorperated! If you want to do something similar, please contact Oblivion1001, a sock, or Cato Wood. Thank you.

Cato: and if you violate this copyright, I will have to charge you $19090378456874532671893612 per every word you read, unless you ask to copyright it, and I say yes. Which, of course, you will have to fill out a permission slip and bring me fancy victor's sleepers. and toe holes. and socks. WITH ZIGZAGS.

Cato: Except for Katniss. For you, it's $678362945784863902817665478392875468392075468392 per letter.

Cato: Have a nice day.

Wake up. Eat some coffee. Put the fish sticks in the toaster.[1]

Looky!! It's meeee the amazing idiot! I got my head on a promotional poster! Yayyyayayayaya!!! Added by Oblivion1001It sounds like someone's singing.

Then I remember the other day when my little brother Leo got a 2-second part in a play at school (Villager #6. His line: "We saw the man!") and now he has a strong, undaunted beleif that he is a world-famous rockstar (Like lady gaga)

so finally i am driven to madness by his unrelenting feminine screeching.

and I get up.

I think my older brother (aka my "guardian" as he puts it) went outside and collected some of "nature's bagels" (aka ROCKS.) Not that we have enough cashishe to pay for stuff, but oh well. Starvation's gotta be better than having all your teeth fall out at 15. I don't want to talk like an old gran with dentures when I become a victor. Thanks for the wonderful offer though! Oops! Think I got a little sarchasm on my voice there, y'know?! Anyway.

So we had nature's cold ROCKS.

Not fun.

I actually didn't eat mine and now I think I should have because here at the reaping place, they must think some volcano's gonna go off (by the sound my stomach's making. Shake the computer dramatically when you read this)


EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEBOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!! (Throw the computer up in the air when you do that. Don't catch it) My stomach didn't really go "Ee-boom."

Ahhh, the JOY of sound affects. {C}So I get in my position, the reaping starts, blah-blah, this happens, and -oh look! - THAT happens, and then the other thing happens and FINALLY she reaches her hand into the glass ball and picks out a name and the name is Tim "Tiny" Swaddlefingers.

I know him because I gave him that name, after I almost STEPPED ON HIM.

And he named me "Colassal."

And earned himself a broken foot. For the next few months, that was the biggest part of him, cuz of it was so dang swollen.

He's like this tall:



^^^ that tall. So I decide to volunteer. Probably not the smartest thing I've ever done. But hey.

"I volunteer," I say.

"What is your name, my dear?" The escort asks dreamily.

I'm just awesome that way.

But I'm not "her deer", and she knows it.

So I tell her my name.

I think that's about when I realize I just made the biggest mistake...

... EVER.[2]Admit it: she's hot sauce and I'm... just the guy next to her.... but just wait!Added by Oblivion1001Because yeah, that's about when CLOVE EMERSON GETS REAPED.

Now, Clove has always been the hottest girl in Ear -- SCHOOL!!! *coughcough I MEANT school!

So it was just....

It was totally....

I felt like an IDIOT when I went up there with her.

Mainly because her awesomeness was...



Then it was 8:15 and we got on the tribute train.


So the tribute train has already been to District 1, right? So THOSE tributes are there. There' a boy named Marvel and a girl named Glimmer.

And there's no other way to say that Glimmer's preeeeeeeettyyyyyyyyy......

Marvel asks me a question. I think it was, "How did your breeches flow?"

So I replied, "My breeches flowed fine... wait, what? I mean, MY REAPING WENT GREAT THANKS."

Luckily, I said the firt part quietly so no one heard it but me.

The tribute train picks up more tributes. District 3 loks like they might be of some use, but I can't figure out what that is yet... District 4 looked HOPELESS. I HATE ducks. They always think they have the right to quack right there in your face.

District 5 were both redheads, which was cool. I made a mental note to murder the pairs from 6, 7, and 8 personally. District 9 was bad. So was 10. The boy from 11 was like, tall, but the girl was, like, tiny.

And the pair from District 12 were obviously sobbing their heads off.

So me and Marvel make a game out of wo can stare at them the most. It's fun making people feel awkward in their new surroundings, unless it's you who's feeling awkward.

A few days passed, and then BOOM! Just like that, we're doing Chariot rides.

And I am freaked out.

I have a thing about standing up and waving in front of people. First of all, it makes me feel UBERCHEESY (which I most ceartinly am NOT) and secondly... I don't really know anything else, but there has to be something. Oh yeah -- what if I FALL OUT? Thirdly...

Anyway, I had "Getting dressed with Kylia" or whatever my prep team calls it. Kylia is one of the prep team members, if that's what they're called.

And she is as annoying as the H-E-double-hockey-sticks* place.

 *double hockey sticks look like 2 L's next to each othr, if you've never seen one.

Finally I get to meet my stylist.

After they do some things I would really prefer not to write here.

And first of all, my stylist was a BOY thank GOD because I definetly had enough girl for one day. Actually, for like, ever.

So yeah, let me just give you the basics.

I was supposed to be some sort of warrior so I got pants and a shirt and knives and makeup (I hated that. Took all my willpower not to scream like a banshee and call my stylist a "sick monkey" which I have done to several people). I vetoed the Indian headdress. Hel-LO? GIRLY!

So anyway, it's finally time to go. And my heart is pounding like some bongos being played by an insane angry, and slightly deranged gorilla. Or one of those baboons with the neon glow-in-the-dark butts.

I take a deep breath and get up in the chariot (whish is a regular black seat but on the sides there are knives painted on it (SO COOL XD) Clove stands a little away to give me some room.

Then I hear them announcing District 2.

And then as soon as the chariot rides are over, we're in the training center. I see lots of pressy buttons :P

We are allowed to go up to our rooms.

Clove shows me how some of the stuff works.

When she says, "Wheat bread," wheat bread comes out.

I say, "Humoungous jar of peanut butter."

I love peanut butter.

If I was allergic to it, I'd die.

I'm allergic to a lot of things: Listen:


Raddishes (like I even know what those ARE, all I know is they're vegetables)

Cooked Carrots


Green Beans




everything that tastes like or is a vegetable.

My little brother. I am HIGHLY, SEVERELY allergic to my little brother. A lot more, actually, but I can't remember the rest.

But see? No peanut butter. Which is just fine, by me.

{C}So I go to bed the next night and when I wake up I decided to take a shower.

What I WASN'T counting on was Brutus to unexpectantly RIP THE SHOWER CURTAIN OPEN.

And luckily the towel was right there thank GOD because I swore I would never let anyone see me naked, or buttox naked.

Which I think are the same thing, BUT:





He told me to get my little pink butt downstairs. I told him my but was not little OR pink. It was: let's not really discuss that right now.

So I go down to the training center. We're the first ones there.

He sees me.

"Get in here private!" he yells.

I get in there, private.

"Now I want you all to have 6-packs like ME!" he instructs us.


I go over to my bag thing on the benches.

"I have a 6-pack," I say. "ONly it's actually a 5-pack because I already had one. But still, it WAS a 6-pack."

"WOOD!" he screams, his eyes bulging out of his head.

"Where?" I ask. "You're afraid of wood?"


Nerdy head.

"I AM NOT A NERDY HEAD!" I scream. I jump on him and start to beat the living tar out of him with the sprite bottles.

He dodges a can and 2 hit him in the face. I jump on him and start beating him with the other 2 cans until they explode all over him and then he's chasing me and I hide behind all the targets.

Then more people come. Glimmer, Marvel, and the pairs from 5.

We start to wait around for our stations.

Then the District 12 pair comes down. They are just showing off now, becasue they think they're the best at everything, ever since they ever got on those chariot rides and went all around with their butts on fire.[3]Meeee and Marvel and clove (I'm in front because i'm just so awesome that way ;D)Added by Oblivion1001The lady finally releases us, and I go to the spears because they look all dangerous and like I can kill someone

Clove and Marvel and Glimmer are all with me.

So we have a big spear-throwing party, right there, in the training center.

And being the most epicly awesome superpowerful being that I am, I hit every target. Except the one that I missed.

Yeahhhh fun times.

Ever written a song before? I needed something to take my mind off the games, so I wrote one.

"One day while in the bathtub."

An original song by none other than the world's role-model himself: Cato Wood (applause THUNDEROUS applause)

Maybe not so original. I changed the lyrics because I was bored to tears and had soap and Poker Face on my mind. But i stole the music from another song I liked. Ah well, I only got a few more days to live.

One day while in the bathtub!

I was a slam! Oh yeah!

Soap! Oh, the fame! I was a slam!

I wave the bar of soap above my awesomeness hair and I say

One day while in the bathtub! Yeah!

Cuz bathtubs are so awesome!

They are fawsome!

Flood the bathroom if it means one day while in the bathtub

You can be a slam like moi, the all powerful, super amazing, extremely wonderful VICTOR of the 74th Hunger Games... OH YEAH!

One day while in --"

"What the ! do you think you're doing?" asks a voice.

I twist and fall off my bed. I can admit that I got a LITTLE (most definetly not "a lot") carried away with it. heck, I didn't even know what I was SAYING.

It's my mentor, Brutus, in his fancy victor's sleepers.

"Nothing!" I say. "BUT, while you're here, I have a few requirements. I will only go to sleep IF I have some red sleepers like YOURS. And TOE HOLES. And 10 LARGE PEPPERONI PIZZAS. Well, maybe not 10. Maybe more like 2. And I also need some spears for practice and did I mention my toe-holes? Well, I require toe-holes -- hey wait! Where are you going! I'm not done! A hot tub! With 16 ladies all trying to --"

A minute later he comes back with all my requirements, except for the last one (which really disappoints me! But oh well.)

"Anything to shut you up,"he says.

"Thanks!" I say, putting on my new sleepers.

Ahh, what an amazing sight. I look beautiful in them.

"WOW! Man these are great! Oh what a beauty! Man! I look like a MODEL in these! I whip my hair back and forth I whip my hair back and forth! These are great!"

Brutus stares at me, obviously amazed by my miraculous performance.

Then, he sighs and walks away.

I go to bed.

The next morning at training, Marvel found out my secret weakness. Which is not really a secret any -- ! WAIT! Don't read the next few sentences if you are going to use my secret weakness on me!

Okay, here's my secret weakness:

He took off his socks, threw me on the ground, and hovered his foot right over my face.

I could swear I was hypervenelating.

I don't mind when feet are in shoes or socks and standing over me, even if the shoes have the worlds messiest dog.... ok, let's not go into that.


I HATE feet. I don't know why, they just seem like.... feet. UGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TERRIBLE THINGS come to mind

When I think of thy foot.

Makes me want to... puke!


And ever since my brother found out I was scared of feet, he terrorized me with his feet but I gave him wedgies in his sleep so he quit... other than that I'm scared of nothing except strange glowing-green things I found in the tomato sauce the other day and tissues. But that's it. And boomerangs.

I guess you could say I have foot phobia.

I can't believe I OWN feet myself! How can you own something you're SCARED TO DEATH OF? Oh well. Least I gots me my toe-holes.

I like my toe-holes.

Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if a boy got a pedicure.

Now, I have yet to find out.


My lovely mentor sent me upstairs to TAKE. A. NAP.

Dude, SERIOUSLY, I'm not, like, 4 years old. I am 15, one-five, 9+6, 10+5. I don't NEED a nap.

"I INSIST!" he says.

That word 'insist' tells you whether or not someone is the biggest dork on the PLANET.

So I went upstairs to make the man happy. I slept, but I had an awful nightmare about ostriches licking my toenails. I woke up and heard giggling. Then I heard someone say, "RUN! HE'S UP!" THEN I hear someone say snark-ish-ly, "He's going to look so hot when we found out we painted his toenails."

Oh. yes.



"Geez, take a breath, will you?" I hear.







And then I pass out, almost.

Not bEfore I demand the nail polish remover.

Girls are mean! No offense to girls.

Ever notice how the worst things always happen to you? One day, one worst thing happens to you, and the next day, more worst things KEEP HAPPENING to YOU. Not someone else, yoiu.

I didn't spell that right, did I.

That wasn't a question.


Worse things that keep happening today, as in, this day right now:

That... ! girl from district 12 kept showing off her "amazing skills" and showing everyone else she was "amazing"

That ! boy from 10 kept getting in the way so I did not get any decent training all day. Remember? He had the foot that went bad.

I was forced to take another nap.

I had my toenails painted, "Sparkle glitter hot pink ultra sassy super cool shimmery gem blast".

Who in their right mind BUYS nail polish with names like THAT? ^^

Who the heck BUYS nail polish?

The 2 uses of nail polish:

Painting ...

The other use, I can't seem to figure it out.

Not yet, any way.

Why? Because there. is. no. other. use. Get it?

There was more, but since I don't want to list them all and bring back their awful, undesirable, STUPID, STUPID memories...

I will not say


Ok, I lied. I have a words of wisdom thing that I need to tell you.

NEVER go outside in short-sleeves or training uniform

UNLESS you know it is not

a) 5 degrees outside

b) 6 degrees outside

c) 4 degrees outside

d) all of the above.

The correct answer, of course, is D. I made that mistake and just thought I should tell you. Yeah, so... byeeeeeee!!!!

Tonight I saw Peeta and Katniss actually TALKING on the roof.

THEIR FEET WERE TOUCHING D: This picture says so:[4]FEET ACTUALLY TOUCHING = AAAAAH!Added by EverdeenI would DIE if my feet actually touched someone else's. As far as I'm concerned, feet are demonic predators.

"Nice night, huh?" Katniss says.

"Yeah, I suppose so," Peeta agrees.

"Wonder what happens if we try to jump off the roof," Katniss laughs.

"There's a force field," Peeta says. "We can't."

He reaches out and touches the forcefield.

I hear it snap on his finger.

Then more talking. I kinda listened to them talking, but I started to fall asleep. I heard Peeta says something about not wanting to be a piece in the games, or something like that. After a while someone blows out a candle and then I'm fully awake. WHAT IF THEY FIND OUT I'M UP HERE!?

I'm not supposed to be on the D12 floor, and I know it. The reason I'm here is...

I actually don't have a reason. Oh wait, yes I do: I was bored. There, that's my reason.

But anyway, I need to get down stairs real fast like, without anyone hearing me.

So I go down there.

But look! Mr. Happy is waiting for me!

"Hi Mr. Happy!" I say, staring at the murdurous look on his face. The Mr. Happy thing was sarchastic.


"I had to pee."

"There's a toilet in your room," Brutus (Mr. Happy)

"It was clogged."

"Let me see."

"Actually, I unclogged it just now."

He taps his foot.

"And I'm going to bed now, so, bye!" WARNING: Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever EVER eat ravioli for breakfast or you'll puke all over yourself in the training room. I learned that the hard way. When I got up, I found out that Brutus was in my room eating all my food in the refridgerator since Enobaria and Kylia had put him on a diet. So I had nothing to eat until her threw a canteloupe and a can of ravioli at my head. When Clove came into my room, I found out that Enobaria couldn't get more food since the avoxes were backed up or something. So I ate the ravioli.

It was awful.

When we got down to the training center, I started to feel something... it was like this weird washy feeling in the vicinity of my stomach,

I raised my hand.

Atala told me to shush it.

Actually, she didn't "told". She demanded. Loudly.

Now tell me what I could do.

Peeta was right in front of me. And if puke is bad, the worst place to puke is probably on another tribute's back. Because then it runs down into his shirt and he thinks he has tentacled monsters creeping slowly down his back and he screams "GET EM OUUUUT! GET EM OUTTA MY DAYUM SHIRT! GET EM OUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I just sat quietly in the back of the room as all thsi buisness occured. I throw up a lot. I'm sorry, but it's true. I know it's disgusting, so be glad you're not me, o.k.? O.k.

But after they washed all the gack off that noodleloaf, they began to press charges. Aparently, the girl from 8 throws up a lot so they targeted her first. I thought I was safe until Brutus sped into the room yelling, "Cato, how could you do that to Peeta? I watched everything from the Victor's headquarters! If you're really sick, you need to miss training!"

And as they turned on me, I realized that NOTHING WAS MY FAULT.

They chased me around the training center 12 times, then I ran outside and they chased me back in and we went around 14 more times until they all feel down. I was tired too, but I wouldn't slow down because if you have an angry mob chasing you, including all the stylists, training instructors, avoxes, mentors, tributes, and the tribute you gacked on, you would not slow down. And I mean, EVERYONE in the building was chasing me.

Then I did training for the rest of the day, and I was terrified to eat,

The worst thing happened today: I googled myself.

I found out that my name is actually the name of a women's clothing store.

My reaction?

"!!...?! WhaaaaaaAAAAAAUGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"

If you don't beleive me, go to google and type in, C-A-T-O

It's almost scary. But, it was also 4:00 am, because that's the only time I'm allowed to use the computer.

I'm not technically allowed to use the computer at any time, but I decided to be fair to myself and give myself some days.

But I hear someone. If I get caught, my butt is dead.

So I have exactly 2 of those itty-bitty seconds (0.02) to get my butt upstairs and in bed.

Or just hide behind the computers.

I hide behind this big desk JUST AS someone walks into the room. It's Effie Trinket, the escort from District 12.

She goes on the computer, says, "Oh good! They're on the front page! Amazing spectacle dazzles Capitol. No one else compares."

I make a puking face without any sound. I'm just talented that way.

As soon as Effie leaves, I get up and go to the Training Room. There's nothing to do since it doesn't really "open" until 10:00. Well, I got about 6 hours... might as well do something. Only I can't figure out exactly what that IS yet.

We had our interviews today. Brutus made something for both Ceasar and my prep team called, "The Cato list". He gave it to most of the other tributes too, or at least the top half, the one about what they should do around me. And I think they paid REALLY CLOSE ATTENTION to it.

Brutus gave me one too.

The Cato List

Part I

1. Do not sneak up on him

2. No candy

3. No hammers

4. Do not give him "fresh ideas".

That was the one the other tributes got.

This was the one my prep team and Ceasar got:

Part II

1. Do not let him style his own hair

2. Do not bring up cocktail waitressess.

3. If you do, do not give him access to a cocktail waitress outfit

4. Change the subject if he starts talking about peanut butter

6. Do not let him touch the District 12 tributes if their stylists give them flame costumes

7. Make sure he knows that he has to take the red wax covering off the baby belle cheese before he eats it

8. Do not take off your socks or shoes, under ANY circumstances

9. When styling him, do not rip back changing curtain, or he will attack brutally with a flowered pink apron.

10. Do not let him lick the couch.

District 1 looks pretty good. The girl is wearing a see-through dress. Let's pretend it's less see-through, o.k.? Glimmer's playing up the sexy angle. Marvel's funny, or, at least, pretty classic. I mean, he knows a bunch of lame jokes. Clearly, he's not the sharpest scissors in the lasanga. I am. EVERYONE knows that there are hidden scissors in lasanga. They're spies from Saturn, I believe. Clove gets up and walks to the stage in a frilly orange dress. She looks like a tangerine. Sort of. I watch as she answers the questions, smirking and looking superior. I remember my angle. Appear cocky and deranged like a sexilicious killer. My fingers wander to my hair. I twirl them around in it, making some fabulous design. Then they're calling me.

I do not believe I realizd what I had done to my hair until Ceasar nearly fainted. It looked like I had two huge, fluffy bunny ears. I believe those bunny ears made of hair could spark a trend in the Capitol!

"So that's how they do it in your district," Ceasar gasps, regaining his breath after I nearly gave him asphyxation. Er, no, not asphyxation. I almost scared him half to death. A stylist from another District runs onto the stage and re-styles it back into its original spiky glory.
Cato at the interview

Cato in the interview with caesar

I love myself.

I try to be cocky, but my hair situation has put me in a difficult situation here. I can't be cool when I formerly styled my hair into bunny ears. But I try to answer all of Ceasar's questions, but most of them I end up talking about puppies.

Ceasar: Er... quite a hairdo, Cato.

Me: Thank you. Did you know that puppies can't play the guitar?

Ceasar: Yes. So, do you think you have a good chance of winning this year?

Me: You bet. I'm the best. I'll kill everyone. Puppies could kill everyone too.

Ceasar: I'll bet they could. So, what do you like most about the Capitol?

Me: Hm. The weapon selection. And the peanut butter.

Ceasar: What is your favorite weapon?

Me: A spear, probably. I can throw it as far as anything, and I'm great at it, and swords, and knives, and I ca kill anyone in my vicinity. Also, I just wanna bring pride to my district. Then maybe I can afford a projector, and I can make shadow puppets. And scare my brother half to death.

Ceasar: You've got quite a lot of confidence.

Me: Of course I do. I like puppies. Do you like puppies?

Ceasar is about to reply but the bell thing rings. Clove holds her head in her hands. Brutus throws his papers across the room and runs way, tearing his hair out.

Ceasar: Best of luck, Cato Wood, male tribute from District 2.

Later, I try to give Brutus the "pro's" of the interview.

1. The audience seemed to think I was funny

2. I tried to act tough, and Ceasar said I was confident

3. I didn't get allegic to ANYTHING. Not ONCE. Not even to the IRISH DUCK WORSHIPPING FLOWERS; NOTHING. And that is an ACCOMPLISHMENT for me, I tell you

4. I did not complain that my underwear was wet and riding up my rear for the whole interview

5. My socks were dampish in patches also

6. They were French socks

7. Puppies are wonderful creatures

8. I told everyone of my superior skills with the spear, so at least I got people betting on me for one thing.

9. I saw some people taking notes. I believe they were good notes, however, I failed to see them and probably never will.

Eventually, Brutus calmed down. Everyone complimented Clove and ignored me. I still think I did great though.

So now I'm just back in the training center.

I am awesome at everything. Rowr! As usual.

Then Brutus pulls me over to a corner. Slowly, he takes off his socks. Then he throws me on the ground and says, "FACE YOUR FEARS!" And sticks his foot right in my face.

And I can't stop myself.



Then I wake up from that horrible nightmare. I sit up, trying to get my breathing back to normal, because after that, my heart was like a poor bongo being pounded upon by an angry, insane, and, maybe a bit deranged, gorrilla. Or a baboon. The ones with the neon butts. The whole thing is so sickening I actually do throw up, all over the floor.

Today, Brutus announced it was time for a "manly chat." He sat down and started grilling me abut how I need to be more HELPFUL, RESPONSIBLE, and SERIOUS.

I was HELPFUL. When he got a call, I answered it so he didn't have to walk 2 feet on his stiff old man legs.

"Hey! This is Cato! My pants are shiny! Also? What's your favorite color? Mine's neon orange. Are your pants shiny?"

I was RESPONSIBLE. I cooked for everyone and stuff.

Cato's KILLER oatmeal

2 pounds flour

1 16-oz bottle vinegar

3 boxes oats

1 pound block of caramel

Another box of oats

Rainbow sprinkles

Mix all up in bowl. Put in the broiler. Makes 15 gimundous bowls.

I was also HELD RESPONSBLE for when me and Marvel played "vicious tackle football" in the Training Center, and almost everyone joined in. Then there was a huge dog pile when we all jumped on Thresh. He wasn't really playing but Fox threw the ball and it hit him in the stomach so he doubled over around it and fell. We were fighting unmercilessly with Thresh out cold.

Peeta and Rue were on top of me, Thresh was on the bottom, Clove was on top of Thresh, Glimmer was on top of Clove and Fox, and I was on top of Katniss and Marvel. Finally, Fox got the ball and we all chased her outsie and had a big game, with Thresh as the ref. He just sat there unconcious while the rest of us tackled, wrestled, and beat each other up for the ball. In the end, my team (Me, Marvel, Fox, and Rue) all won. The other team was mad so they told on us, leaving themselves out of it. I got in trouble but it was the best day EVER!

The only thing I was actually SERIOUS at, though was training. I was the best one there, and I think everyone knew it. Either way, I made it clear that I was epicly awesome.

Tonight was the night before the Games, and even Brutus thinks I'm ready. He says ever since I threw that spear from 20 feet he thought I was ready. Which is an insult, because that was this morning.

My prep team (They call themselves "Preppies") comes in and starts gasping like dead fish and sobbing and getting me all soggy. Then when I get up to change, Kylia sees the hole in my sock. It wasn't a big hole. Okay fine. It was a gigantic hole. She screams bloody murder and tears out of the room. Now at least I can change. I do. Then I go to bed.

"Hey look! I'm in a glass!" I say, tapping the thing that's supposed to shoot me up into the arena. My stylist just sighs and says, "Yes, you are," for the 50th time.

"It's going to shoot me up! Can I hav a Coke?" I ask.


"Can I get a new pair of pants? These are too small."



I start to take them off to show him.

"Leave the ! pants on, you !."

"That was mean!"

"Shut up."

"That was mean also! I'm never talking to you again!"

I cross my arms.

"Hey wait, actually, can I get a..."

Then, my things starts to shoot upward.


Then I'm officially in the arena and the countdown starts.

60. 59. 58.


My thing is now in the arena. I focus on the Cornucopia. Any shiny pants in there? NO? NOOOOOOO!!!

I look to the right of me and see Pitaface, and he's all, "I'm Peetaface... I'm so cool..."

Because he is absolutely NOT cool. I am the fastest runner and the best at handling wea --

14. 13. 12.

Gotta put my laptop away now! Bye!

Is the internet working? Hello? Is the internet -- D!!n. Hang on, I think I got it to... SHHHHHHHHHoot...

Yeah, yeah, I KNOW I need virus protection. I hate this thing! Agh! OK, I think I got it to work. No? Yes? YES!

I rule!

OK, I have SO MUCH to tell you all.

The bloodbath got done and Marvel wanted to take a waterstop in the forest. I'm sitting on a log.

I killed 7 people at the bloodbath (The pairs from 6 and 7, the girl from 9, the boy from 5, the girl from 10.) I think 11 people died in all. I tried to kill Pitaface, but failed, and now we have lots of supplies and stuff. We actually have Pitaface in our alliance now, and he's okay, but he hasn't said ONE WORD in the whole intire 4 hours we've beein in here. I want FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!

I have a really sharp spear I use to gore people :)

Anyway, we've been walking a long time and Glimmer keeps whining and saying, "I'm TIRED, CATO, when do we, like, STOP?" And I say, "For the 5 million-thousandth-bazzillion-and-tenth-katrillion-jillion-killion time, I DON'T KNOW!" "That's not a real number." "I KNOW!"

Finally, Marvel feels sorry for me and stops us for a water break. I can't believe it! The people in the Capitol must LOVE me! I am soooo awesome! I got pink and yellow slipper socks! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Uh-huh! I sing a song. {C}"I got some socks... I got some socks YEAH! I got some socks! I got some socks!"

I parade around the clearing in my awesome socks. THEY LOOK AWESOME! Clove looks like she wants to hit me.

"Just take a rest, Cato," she mumbles. I look at her and solemnly say, "No."

Then I do more parading, writhing, stomping, jumping, falling, flipping, and back-hand-spring-ing. (I am so good at back hand springs :D)

"Cato, shut... up! I'm trying to relax."

"I know! You need FUZZ THERAPY!" I yell. I become her temprary therapist and promptly RUB HER FACE WITH MARVE'L COAT FUZZ. Hey; fuzz therapy. Never heard of it? No? Good.

After that I try fuzz therapy on Glimmer but she yells at me so hard I think my ears are blasted off my head for life.

Finally I start to fall asleep when Marvel says, "Let's go."

I drag myself along. We come into another clearing.

We see the girl from 8. We see a fire. We zone in to kill. I smooth my hand over my spear and try to have an evil look on my face.

We kill her and cook her intestines over a slow flame. No, that's gross. But I do kill her and she screams and begs for mercy so I take a hint and kill her in cold blood. After 5 minutes when we don't hear the cannon, Marvel says, "I don't think she's dead." "Yes, she is." "No, she's not." "She's dead, I stuck her myself." "Someone should go back and make sure the job's done." "SHE'S DEAD ALREADY! WHY CAN THAT INFORMATION NOT PENATRATE YOUR THICK SKULLS?" "SHE'S NOT DEAD, CATO." "I said she's dead!" "She's not dead!" "She is!" "Not!" "She's sooo dead!"

Fianlly, Peeta says, "We're wasting time! I'll go back to finish her off."

We watch him go. I hear rustling in a tree above my head. Then a surprised gasp, like someone just fell out of a tree. But I don't pay any attention. Not yet, at least.

We go away, and then Marvel finds a lake sort of thing so we sit down and rest. I take my pants off and fix my hair so it stays up spiky. Over the summer, my brother had cut it all uneven (my little brother. My older brother was too busy blowing his blood vessels when he saw me) and I had to wait for it to grow back. I mean, it looked like Leo (little brother) had cut my hair with a CHAINSAW and a CHIPPER, and a WEEDWHACKER, not to mention DEMON BUTTERFLIES. Then there's a fire. It just comes up right outa NOWHERE. It was HUGE! there was no escaping it and it was coming right at us.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! FIRE! PEOPLES WAKE UP!" Marvel snaps awake and jumps right to his feet, gathering the stuff. Then he sees the fire and runs away. Glimmer wakes up next, and greabs Clove, who jumps up and runs. Marina is still asleep, despite Clove's bloodcurdling yowls and Marvel's uncanny feminine screeching. I grab Marina and throw her in the lake as hard as I can. The good part is, she wakes up. The bad part is, she wakes up.

"CATO! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" she raises her sopping head and I shout the first thing I could think of:

"There's a purple and green hippo right behind you and he's about to eat your underpants!" I yell.

She whips around, and, on seeing the fire, whips back around, shoves me to the ground, and runs to the others. I get up and run after her. Then -- Whoa! I forgot about Peeta! But then I see something else running to the others, and it's him. I think he's sleepwalking bacause he's yelling, "Your cake is served. SAVE THE SCONES! SAVE THE BLUEBERRY APPLE SCONES!" What is a scone?

I roll to the side when a fireball almost hits me in the stomach. I run and find the guys. They're all huddled beside this small body of water. We stay until the fire dies down, then the girls start sneezing and coughing.

"Sissy girls," I say.

"Yeah," Marvel says. "They can't handle a little fire."

He gestures at Glimmer.

"This is what comes from hanging around with girls. They have absolutely no health..." he breaks off, coughing.

Then Peeta goes, "Yeah, well, we have what it takes to be a man!" then he starts coughing, too.

And then we all start coughing, choking, and doing the other things, like something I did when i walked into my (little) brother's very gross room where he was doing very gross things. Now I know you can pick your nose with your toes. And really? It's actually information I COULD HAVE LIVED WITHOUT. Thanks, though.

We settle down, do stuff, go in the bushes, blah, blah. Then we see Katniss way up high in a tree.

I instictively yell, "Hi up there with the dirty underwear!"

She says, "Um, hi. How are you?"

"In terms of what? Awesoemly awesome, as usual. How's it going for you?" I ask.

"It's a bit warm for my taste. Why don't you come up?" she says, smiling.

"I think I will," I say, knowing this would be the perfect oportunity to grab her, spin her over my head, let go, and watch her fly into the lake. And die.

I start to climb up, and Glimmer tries to hand me the arrows, But I already have a weapon that I am awesome at, and I decline. So yeah, I'm climbing, I'm climbing, but actually its more like I'm grabbing at the branches and flailing and hanging on like an old monkey. I start to climb another branch. Do not fall off.

The branch breaks.

It breaks.








I fall on the ground hard. I think I broke my butt.


"So sorry!" Katniss yells down. "Maybe next time!"

Glimmer tries and misses Katniss and if Glimmer actually paid attention to weapons and not her nails which I'm about to break in 20 seconds, we could actually GET SOMEWHERE IN THESE GAMES AS A CAREER PACK.

Bestow thy idiocy forever.

{C}[5]I look stylish With pants on headAdded by Oblivion1001

What the heck?

So we all need to go to bed now because it's really late. It's past my bedtime, which makes me feel elated.


Marvel says if I spend one more second on my computer, he's going to cream my head.


But I had a song stuck in my head so I couldn't sleep.

In the sleep, the lion sleep, the jungle mightys tonight.... In the sleep, the lion sleep, the jungle mightys tonight.... a wigawam a wigawam...

"Marvel?" I whisper. He just sits there like a dead duck.

"MARVEL! ARE YOU DEAD?" I start beating the living tar out of him.

"Agh! What? What?"

"What's a wigwam?"


"Yes, I am. What's a wigwam."

"Its a hut," he says.

"No it's not! It's a large yarn ball made out of yarn!" I say.

He groans and puts his head back on his backpack.

"Go to bed, Cato."

I do.


The worst thing ever just recently happened.

Katniss apparently got a wonderful idea of dumping a nest of tracker jackers on us. You know, the bee? The one with the killer harpoon attached to its larger than bee size buttox?

Yeah. I got stung right here and here and here.... oh wait, you can't see. I got stung in the eye, and on my arm, and in a place I would really not like to say on here.

Ears are so scary!!!


Anyway, we all jump in the lake. I, as usual, had the most FLASHY entrance:


But, sadly, that was before I knew that before dawn the lake reached... sigh... subzero temperatures. My expression, as Marvel told me later, was that of a frog who had just eaten roasted Habaneros. Those are orange peppers. So I punched him.

Me and Peeta go back to collect the supplies. I let Peeta go ahead of me, because he seems more alert and I feel like someone beat the living sludge out of me. Peeta was supposed to bring the supplies back to me*. But NO! He was too busy rescuing his GIRLFRIEND to notice...


Sorry. But anyway, instead of helping US, he was helping the KITKAT. Yeah. I saw it. I saw the whooole thing with my own eyes. Traitor. He throws her into the bushes.

  • all the same, I was supposed to be helping Peeta, but again, I FELT LIKE SOMEONE BEAT THE LIVING SLUDGE OUT OF ME. So I have an exception

I will kill him! But first I have to puke in the bushes. See ya!

I catch up with peeta, later, in the night. No one sees I'm gone. Slowly... swiftly... no, that doesn't work. Those are antonyms. Swiftly... silently (excluding part where I hit my foot on a rock).... I strike.... no one sees me. I am unseen, hidden under a cloak of pure night. I ZONE IN ON MY KILL. Then I grab him and throw him down. "What in the heck of the --" he sees it's me.

I guess I get a little enthusiastic about the whole thing. "BLOOD!!! BLOOD!!! AVENGE THY SPIRITS WITH BLOOD AND LIKAH!" That's liquor. That's just how I pronounced it. I don't actually know where that part came from, but i was having too much fun to stop. "BEAT THY FACE WITH THY OWN SOCK AND LASTLY, SET THY PANTS ABLAZE! MWAH-HA-HA-HA!" That's not where I stop, though. "FORCE THOU TO SWALLOW 10 HORNED TOADS WHOLE! KILL! KILL! FOR THOU'S BUTT IS VENISON! MINE! ALL MINE! NYAHAHAHA! I AM BUT A MERCILESS GLUESTICK, SWOOPING IN TO DEVOUR THY, THY INNOCENT BUNNY! AND I WILL CUT YOU!"

It goes on. But I don't want to write the rest here. Finally, he just lies there like a sack of sand, undoubtedly terrified of my calling for evil spirits to avenge thy pancakes that were put in the waffle iron. I cut him in the left thigh and leave him in the mud. I feel awesome!

"Marvel! When can I WHAZZ?!"


We're walking back to the lake. It's a long 10-minute walk.


"Um... ahem... you can, um, 'whazz' when we get there."

"What's today? The 'Let's-make-Cato-hold-the-whazz-in-day?"

"What exactly is a 'whazz'?"

"Pee, you idiot. Whazz is the correct term."

Actually, it's a word I have never heard in my life before now, but he doesn't have to know that.

"Okay, you can pee right here in these bushes. But.. why do you need permission?" he asks.

"Why does a vampire want an apple?" I reply.

"Because he likes fruit...?" Marvel guesses.

"Exactly!" I whisper excitedly.

"Just go pee and let's go."

"Okay, I will."

So anyway, I gotta go pee now! Bai!

Oh yeah, and from now on, never say 'pee.' say 'whazz.'


"I'm going, I'm going!"

Oops, I think the battery on my laptop's about to die.

"Marvel? Do we have any jumper ca --"

We moved the camp. I got some jumper cables. I just need to find an outlet. After that I found out that jumper cables are used to start your car.

Marvel thinks he's cute when he says he'll do something for you. AND THEN HE DOESN'T.

Glimmer died. I have to say something about her death.


I know that sounds really bad, but it's the hunger games. There, that's my excuse :D

Happy days are here again!

The next day, we argue about the boy from D3. He just sits there listening to us like a dead rock who doesn't understand jibberish. Which is clearly the only language he speaks cos of he's always MUTTERING DARKLY about how I should give him his wrench if he wants a bomb....whatev!

FINALLY he says he's done and I'm like, "THAT's GREAT DUDE, YEAH, LET'S GO."

He does.

"MOVE IT!" I yell, "Or I'll start talking about thy pancakes again."

So, what happened in the woods, you might ask? Some odd duck seemed attracted to my buttox and my buttox alone. So I run around the forest trying to escape the duck. Did I ever mention I hate ducks? Then I remembered what my spear was for. I took out my spear and threw it at him. But get this: He caught it between his little duck feet just as it was about to gore him dead in the you-know-where. So finally, I grabbed him and strangled him until he quacked for mercy and I threw him into the bushes. He was alive but shaken. The next time I saw him, 5 minutes later, he didn't move towards me, he flew away. I'm happy. Not sure if he feels the same way, though. Nevermind. He almost injected my buttox with rabies. I don't care about how he feels.

Then we hear an explosion.

I run back through the woods at the speed of sound. Finally, we get back to the supplies and they are...


"$#%&! &%$@! %@#$!"

I run down into the mess, throwing things at Marvel. He starts hiding behind trees.


He just stands there behind his tree. Then he comes out and starts picking through the stuff. He finds a knife blade. I grab it from him and throw some ashes in his face.

He wipes them out out of his eyes and kicks me.


Marvel dives under a pile of ashes.


I get him and clock him in the back of the head.

Then I give up and start kicking stuff around. Then everything makes sense. It's all HIS fault! ARGH!

"YOU!" I say, pointing at Marvel.

"WHAT!?" he gasps, too terrified to speak.

"Not you... HIM! THAT GUY!"

He starts to run away. District 3 are such idiots. I grab him, SIT ON HIM, and break his neck wide open. I could have done it better with a sludge-hammer, but oh well.

I'm still running around with my pants on my head kicking stuff and now they're looking at me weird. I realize I've started my Shakespearean cursing again. Which they're actually curses I made up. Oh well. They sound like Shakespeare.


Only I curse in style. That es el espanol :)

It means, "You fat cat."

I think. Marvel and Clove stare at me as I fire more curses, insults, and such at the nearest tree.

"Um, Cato?" Marvel says. "Look, cursing at the tree won't do anything. Look up."

I do.

"What's up there? Is it something majestical?"

"Is that even a word?"

"No. Shut the heck up."

"Look at the sky," he says.

I do. We see the people. I see the boy from 10 who I killed this morning. I see the boy from 3 who I killed just like right now. Then no one else. So the killer of the supplies is still....


Just then, something deep inside my brain went



I grab Marvel and shake his collar viciously.


He makes me release him and I throw up on his shoes. Well, not on his shoes. Right next to them.

"You are insane. Come on, let's go back to the woods. At least we have supplies in our packs.

"Oh yeah, I forgot. Let's go!"

Later Clove tells me I set off to the woods with a boisterous looking strut, which was impressive since I had just puked all over Marvel's shoes because I was sad about my socks.

I have to hunt now. Byeee!

I'm baaack! I know you're all so happy to see my beautiful faaaaace :)

Okay let's get down to buisness.

I heard 2 cannons. That's really good, if one of them's not Marvel's or Clove's because it means I the amazing have made it to the final 6 -- OW! HEY! WHAT THE...! PLANTS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO GIVE YOU WEDGIES! AGH!" Okay, I take back what I said about I the amazing.

Today we lost Marvel :*(

Now there's no one I can tease. But we found out Catnip killed him. So now we're going to kill her.

"We" as in moi and Clove. But she says if I don't stop putting my pants on my head, she's going to make it so it's just moi who's doing this.

Speaking of Clove, guess what?




Okay FINE! I'll just tell you.

She asked me if she could use my computer.

Being the wonderful, amazing, skilled, what's the other word...? Innapropriate Ladylike Idiotic Insolent A jerk

Ah, hey. I just handed over my computer. She actuall said thank you to me. I felt like grabbing her and kissing her and playing Rihanna, full volume.


Then the announcer says something.

They says:


Clove seems to realize this is a oretty good time for a SG (sponsor gift)

She reaches out and... The following may be innappropriate for anyone under the age of 5,899. I advise you to please stop reading now, but, if you do decide to read the rest... don't say I warned you.

Clove kisses me. She kisses me. Ki. Sses. Me.

And then we hear the big thud outside our tent.

"What is it?" Clove asks.

"It's a big heavy box," I say. "It looks like a sponsor gift."

"One minute," Clove says.

She rushes out of the tent. I follow her into the bushes.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Clove screams.

I've seen something I don't want to see.

"Agh! My eyes! Help! They're burning! My eyes!"

"Get out!"

I shut my eyes so I don't have to see her again.

I go back to the tent. Our minute of love was over.

"Why did you follow me to the bathroom?" she asks when she gets back.

"Because I wanted to know what you wre doing," I say. "If I'd known that would scar me for life, I would not have gone."

"Let's look at the sponsor gift," is all she says.

What the heck is it anyway? So we go outside. Clove asks me why my pants are on my head.

"They make me look beautiful," I say. "I got a camera-worthy face."

Fast like a viper, I grab her pocket mirror and begin to admire myself. "I'm going to do a commercial," I say in a silky, smooth voice. "I'm doing a commercial for socks."

I take my socks off in slowmo. Then I toss my head back and look straight ahead.

"Yes... you have not yet lived... until you put on..." I throw my head forward. "Tube socks. Fwashaa!" I throw the socks up in the air and catch them, still in slowmo. "If you're smart, you'll get tube socks. If you're stupid, there's nothing I can do for you. Wear them... IF you're an awesome person." I put the tube socks back on, still in slowmo.[6]This is my beautiful faaaaaaaace :)Added by Oblivion1001Clove turns to our Capitol audience. "I'm sorry. He likes to look at himself in the mirror."

"Ohhh yesss," I hiss, swooping in and caressing her on the shoulder. "I am an epic person...."

She pulls the pants off my head, and kisses me again.

"Come on, you numbskull," she says, dragging me back to the sponsor gift.

Wanting to savor the moment, I rip it open as fast as I can like a mountain lion ripping open its kill. And there's a huge chest. I grab a stone and break the clasp and yank the top open.

"Really? You couldn't just unbuckle the clasp?"

"No, I'm impatient. Come on."

We look inside. There are zillions of knives. Well, maybe not zillions, but about a dozen, which is a lot. Clove admires them with shining eyes. I take them out of the chest and hand them out to her. Then I see the spear. 5 feet of polished wood. All gentlemanly instict departs as soon as it came. I knock Clove aside and sit in the middle of the rock, hugging the thing. Clove gets up, just as the announcer thing crackles to life.

"THERE WILL BE A FEAST," the loudspeaker yells.

"WILL THERE BE FOOD?" I yell back.


I turn back to Clove.

"All the other tributes will be there," I say.


"And we'll have to get our thing first or someone might steal it."


"And we'll have to fight."


"We could die."


"You go!" I say in my most cheerful voice and dive back into the tent. "I will be enjoying the giant warm sleeping bag and mah slippah sockzz!"

"No way, mister," Clove growls. "YOU will be looking for the others. If there's 6 alive... they would not have made this rule if there was only one District with both tributes still alive."

"Okay, I'll take it."

Clove agrees to go. We spend the rest of the day just hangin out inside the tent. I play 527 games of chess on my laptop, and I get beaten 479 times. Clove sorts the knives and tells me to shut my mouth. Finally, I win a game.

"Ha! And again, HA HA! Take that, you FOOL COMPUTER! Oh yeah! Uh huh! Oh yeah! Cato wins! Cato wins! FTW! Oh yeah!"

"Shut up you idiot."

"Okay, okay."

"What level are you on?"

"Level 1."

"Can you get to the next level?"

"No, he'll just beat me again." I turn back to the computer.

Finally, it's time to go. Clove arranges her knives inside her jacket, and then tells me she's ready. I tell her I'll look out for more tributes and take my chess game along. She tells me I'm addicted and if I say chess one more time, she's going to smash my computer into ten zillion gajillion million pieces. BAI!

"Wait! Clove! Come back... I lost a sock."

"Look under the bags."

She's right! There's my sock! Wow :D Such joy I can barely put it into words or emotes :P

"Bye," she says.

"Bye," I say. "Wait... I KNOW why you're helping me find my sock, Cloviiiiie...."


"You love me, so you're helping me find my sock. you LOOOOOVE me."

She makes a disgusted face.

"I do NOT!"

I grab her face and turn her head.

"Do not lie to the sock. If you do, you will be haunted forever."

I kick off my pants and place them back on my head. Then I say, "Did you know, if you put coins in a sock? You can make a Jinglefoot. Look! Look!"

I demonstrate. Clove looks like all she wants to do is get out. "Look! Clove! You're not looking! Hah! I'm renaming my iPod "Jinglefoot's iPod."

Clove runs away.


She mutters something I can't hear. Ugh, now all we have left is cold canned ravioli.


Sorry about that. Hand me the mop.

I would stay and chat longer, but I really have to pee very very badly, and if I don't, I'm pretty sure I'll explode like a marshmallow in the microwave. So... see ya?

Today, the saddest thing ever happened today:

=*( Clove died.

I could just rip Thresh's $#@% hair out of his $#@% head. The worst part, though, was when she asked me to win the games for her. I answered honsetly ("I DON'T KNOW!! PLEASE STAY!!") because inside of me, I was like... ummm.... I guess so? Aaaahhh it was so saaaaaaaaaad... "Please, Clove. Please, Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Please Clove. Don't die.... PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!!!"

She died =*(

Now I made it my mission to kill Thresh... then this giant drop of rain falls out of the sky and hits me on the head. Then it's like the clouds exploded and I get soaked. But I have to kill Thresh anyway. While cursing at the sky, I run down the hill that disgusting little rug went down. I hate him. I hate him. Then I see him, sorting through the packs. I wait for the perfect moment to kill him. Then I fall asleep.

I wake up and I'm soaking and freezing my buttox off. My hair isn't spiky anymore. That sucks. I have to fix it. Then I remember that Clove isn't there, calling me a stupid idiot. I start crying again. Then I stop. You don't cry when you're gonna kill someone. Slowly, swiftly...

I cuss him out.


"What?! I didn't do it!" he screams like a little girl.


I take out my sword. "THOU MUST X Y Z!!"

"Wh-wh-what's that?" Thresh gasps, eyes looking up in complete terror.

"EXAMINE YOUR ZIPPER!" I yell. Then I jump up and slice at his face, giving him a nasty cut on one cheek. "TWAS THOU WHO PUT THOU'S HAIR IN THY OATMEAL!" He's ready for me though. He takes out a giant stick and bashes me on the head until I think my brains will fall out. Stars spin around my head. I go cross-eye trying to see them all. My head hurts so bad... x( x( x(

I grab his feet, and, unbalanced, he falls straight onto a giant, jagged rock. And cuts his head open. Ouch, lots of head injuries today. I cut his arm off, just in case he tries to make a comeback. The last thing I realize before blacking out:

I did it! I killed him!

Ugh... where am I... oh wow... god, my head hurts. I reach up and feel it. It's dry now, but it hurts soooo bad... I find some bandages in Thresh's bag. Maybe he needed medicine supplies... but why the heck would he need medicine supplies? I wrap my head in them, but first I wrap it over my eyes so I can't see and I have to take ot off. The rest of the backpack contained food. Ugh, I feel nasty... the rain completely stopped but I...

Wait... what?

I decide to "bust it out" with some Rihanna. I do the fancy neck-roll thing reeeeeeally well.[7]fancy neck roll thing. Look. Clove got in the picture. Yay Clove!Added by KatnissIsBossDon't laugh when I do this... but. I. Love. This. Song:

I... Want you to make me feel! Like I'm the only girl in the world! Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love! Like I'm the only one who knows ya heart!!!!! Only girl in the world! Like I'm the only one who li-i-ikes sand! Like Im the only one who believes in zucchinni! I wanna make you feel like a ma-a-a-aha-ha-han! Yea-ah-ah-ah!

Then I stopped because I was afraid someone would hear me singing about how I wanted some guy to make me feel like I was the only GIRL in the world. Lucky me. They did. That District 5 girl comes out and sees me. Then she says, "Were you that one singing like a dying hippo that's getting mauled by a bulldozer?" "Yes! I mean NO! My sexy voice is waaaaaay more sexy than that. In fact, I'm the sexiest person I know. What's your name? Hi! I'm Cato! I like socks."

She streaks off, evidently terrified.

I never see her again, but I have to practice.

I still have to practice for my future victorism and affairs with barmaids.

I practice The Move on a jar of peanut butter. I am content.

You all know the move.

I look in the bag while I'm at it.

What the... I hold it up.

Footie. Pajamas. Obviously meant for a girl since the upper region was... well, yeah. I hold them by 2 fingers as if they were about to detonate, I examine every inch. Then I try to put them on. I put one leg in... the other leg... BAM!


BOOM! That was the cannon. I flap my arms frantically, terrified that I had died at the footie pajama's hands. But no.

It's that chick from 5.

That's it. I gotta get Pitaface or KitKat.

I go hunt them down.

But first, I need to know how to put on these footies. This could take a day. Maybe a few days. Or weeks.


Failed attempts at putting on my footies:

2 legs in one... um... leg.

Left arm in left sleeve, right leg in right... leg sleeve, right arm in left leg sleeve, left leg in right arm sleeve. What? Did I do something wrong? *Gasp* I think I just did! Wow! I could say bonjour... WASS! IT IS! BONJOUR! I never thought I could doooo that!

Finally, I get the footies on. I RULE! Then I think about what life will be like when I'm a victor.

Fame can be bad. The school bully, Maximus Glutitus, namely. Also, literally. (No, I'm not kidding. That's his real name. You say it like, GLOOT-atus, as in glutes, as in buttox.) Cato Wood is soooo much more of a better name. Anyway, he'd been crushing on Clove, so if he saw that she kissed me (which he undoubtedly did) he would freak. Out. And I would be a dead man. So... but anyway, he woud probably just bow down to me the ultimate amazing victor (Cato Wood) and would forever be lost in the gloom that he is not the splendorific person he always thought he was. He shall no longer tell innocent girls to feel his abs or flex his biceps.

Hm. There's my stylist to worry about. Alright, he's a distinct threat. And the "Preppies." I'm dead. No doubt Kylia will be forcing me to try on "Decadent, smooth creamy wonderous charm blaster strawberry lip sparkle". There goes my career. Fash-shooo! Down the drain. I would need a chair and a tub of guacomole, and maybe if I was desperate, GARLIC. Going back to my allergy list, I am also afraid of GARLIC. Weird, I know. But there better not be any vampires around, because I am not prepared to go stuff their heads with garlic. Or cats. Cos I'm afraid of cats too. But... um... I'll stuff their head with the lunch ladies' secret recipe: "Ultra chunk mystery meat rotted stew dead fly surprise egg salad extra drippy filled with BAKED BEANS *gag* with pimentos casserole." THAT ought to keep em dead for a few centuries. Probably tousands of years, or millions, or billions. I heard that stuff once killed a kid. There are strange unidentified lumps in there that scientists have not discovered and probably never will cos of... okay, I get it. I'm grossing you out. Well, all I was gonna say was, I can't ward off my prep team with garlic, cats, or my brother (which would do SERIOUS damage) because those things terrify me. As does the lunch lady superchunk thingy.




Another pro to being a victor is that I get gold-plated toilet seats. I do realize gold is soft. And you can make impressions in it.

That, my friends, is a CON. A bad one.

These footies are so... annoying. I think there's a tag in here somewhere.

It is driving me...

CRAZY! And I don't really want to see myself being filmed doing the "funky chicken" on live TV. Thanks for that wonderful offer. Yay! But nahhh... It's like the time my brother was doing a commercial for dental floss. I was like.... "DENTAL FLOSS!? REALLY? Have people lost their MINDS!?" and I heard my name. Or at least I thought I did. So I was in the middle of brushing my teeth when I heard it so I ran downstairs really fast and so I got there and I was wearing pants on my head and my XL pink shirt. No, it didn't fit, one shoulder was coming off and it came down to about my knees. My toothbrush was hanging out of my mouth like a cigar, making me look like a rugged cabbie. The cameras were trained on me.

"Whah ah you filmin' meh coh rih nah eh looh shupeh."

Translation: Why are you filming me cos right now I look stupid. Remember I still had the toothbrush and a mouthfull of toothpaste.

Of course, right about when I said 'stupid', the toothbrush fell out of my mouth. Now I really did look stupid. Everyone forgot about the toothpaste cos of they were too busy trying to get me on the TV for something. So I saw myself on "District 2's most stupid." Yeah. I tried to pretend there was another "Cato" with the same name, but there wasn't so I said he'd STOLEN my name (but of course back then I was 7 so I said he'd "STEALED" my name) cos of he wanted to be exactly like me. Which, who wouldn't? Hey, no garlic for eternity. Plus no hissing vile beasts from the wild that some prefer to call domestic cats. You get the brother though. That's the downside of being me. The funny thing was, my evil scheme worked! So I was convinced that I was a mad scientist who should consider going into the modeling agency. I don't know why I thought that, hey, I was 7. But I know better now... right?

Then I see the thing. Its eyes are huge and green like Clove's. What. The. Nuts! It IS Clove! And there's more! Fox! Marvel!

"Guys!" I yell. "Come here! I'm so glad to see you!"

Then I hear the growl at me.

"Uh... guys?"

Clove steps forward. She's got a paw.

She's got a paw!

This is not good.






I kinda meant there... heh.


I see more of them. AGH! Glimmer! AGH! Rug! No... not Rug. Rue, I think it was. AGH! Thresh! Now could these creatures be friendly or hostile?

Definetly hostile.

I know everyone's looking at me. Of course I can't climb a tree; They're probably beavers in disguise.

So I run.

Really fast.

Screaming my head off.


I run like I've never run before, except for that time in a dream where a man was chasing me with a bucket of baked beans. I ran, full-out till I realized I had to go.

Bad. Oy.

I still run. I am fast; I won all my school races without dying on the side of the track like a little animal. Then I realize where I have to go: up high.


Whoa... I haven't updated in like forever. I'm sitting in a tree and I am TIRES. TIRED. Today is Saturday, which is my rest day. Unfortunetly, I can't stay up here forever and if these Games are going to end, it would have to require the mobilizing of a butt (mine), because these mutts are sure as heck not going anywhere. So I have to get down. AY! AY! AY! AY! AY!... (if you wanted to know, that was a demonic squirrel chasing me down the tree; I almost stepped on a nut. And I know you people would have said if I'd broken that nut, I would have killed one of my own kind. No, I'm not kidding; for my birthday, my brother got me a shirt that said "THIS PERSON IS A NUTJOB." That shirt, as we all know, has decayed into the lumpy gray thing I picked up off the floor 28 days ago, (when I was still in District 2) that my dog, Stickyfingers, chewed to bits.

Once, I gave my brother a lesson on slime, which scared/grossed the living cupcakes out of them. I also gave them a lesson on Green eggs and Ham, but that's another story.

The reason I bring up slime, dear computer, is because I was just now sent a sponsor gift and I opened it to find a canister of a substance that was squishy that I immeadiately recognized it as slime because A) Boys can recognize that stuff as soon as they touch it, and B) I gave my family a tutorial on slime, slimy things, and green slime. Or, the stuff in the can could be astronaut food.

Instead of what I need, I get what I don't want. Slimy food. Ew, ew, ewwww........... I need new socks! I do!

See what I mean? I need new socks Brutus never sends me anything practical. Or useful.

Then I stood up and promptly STEPPED ON A MOCKINGJAY BABY.

But it was only their nest. But I jumped back anyways, the branch broke, and I fell down. You could practically SEE the STARS BLOSSOMING OUT OF MY FOOT like they do in comic strips. Gah.

This, people, is why you don't bet that the '9ers will win the superbowl. Right after I got up, the mutts roared like a thousand angry hippos and started lunging towards me all at once.

Do hippos get angry? They must get angry. Well... all they do is sit around in the water all day. But I guess if a hippo got into a fight with a koala, there could be some action there, y'know?

One mutt bites into my leg and the pain is so intense I almost see my life flash before my eyes.

The lesson on slime

The lesson on Green eggs and ham

The time Stickyfingers (my dog) ate all my socks. And I mean ALL. Even the FRENCH ones.

Styling my hair so it stuck out at the sides of my head in long, stiff curly-qs

Recieving a lecture because it was the day of the interviews that this ^^^^ occured. oopsy.

Being dragged to the underwear store in the Capitol with Marvel so he could model 77 pairs of underwear but purchse only 3 pairs

Wearing the flower apron and making a mess in the kitchen when Clove knocked on the door, saw me, screamed, and ran away (this was back in District 2)

Drawing viking kitties

Doing what I do best: Sleeping, running, handling weapons, talking, wearing socks, gymnastics. And also, usually puking.
Okay? Just try not to be grossed out. Also, pants on head. I won the olympic medal for that, I tell you. And that is not a normal reaction, I believe.

My dream about feet D:

The supplies blow up

Clove dies

Nyan cat

Vampire tissues

Foxface dies

Now I think I'm going to die. Life won't be the same anyway, because I've made friends here.

And now they're all gone. But I only have like .2 seocnds to be sad because the mutts are everywhere. And that's not exactly a lot of seconds. So technically, I need to get on top of my feet, not my buttox, and kind of go away from here right this very exactly intantaniously instant.

So I run. I've run 17 miles once without stopping, and it wasn't hard. And the radius of the Arena which was a circle was about 3.47 mi... was it saure or circle or triangle or decagonal or hexagonal or fiftybillionunjagitol? Yes, I know that's not a number. Ok? But I don't know how far I have to run. And I obviously can't climb a tree. And I obviously can't find a broom. And my underwear is saggy. O.k. I'll stop now. I need to ditch them though. And put pants on my head.

Lucky I have extra pants. I can't take the underwear off yet, but once I get out of range of those mutts, I will take it off. But first I have to set a firecracker off to materialize a distraction so I can privately take off my underwear and secretly wipe sweat off my face on a science report I just found in my pocket that I spent a whole entire 24-hours day writing. Sorry, giraffes. I had to.

Lucky me.

I have no firecrackers. NONE.

BUT THEN THE CORNUCOPIA CAME TO MY RESCUE! AND THAT THING JUST SAT RIGHT THERE, I TELL YOU! Then I see them. The pink frilly cute sweet little jerkish cake heads on their way to the Cornucopia also. Guess who.

  • is not happy =_=*

But anyway. So I decided to climb the Cornucopia. Only I ran into a small problem. And it's called


I run straight between the sweet honey weeners and run up the tail of the Cornucopia. Katniss' arrow falls off me. "He's got body armour!" she yells to Peeta.

Do I now?

Interesting. Only, almost everything about me is interesting. But the footies are actually HELPFUL. Only, not helpful about the situation called sweat in my face and hair. I run up the Cornucopia and begin to start barfing over the edge. Barf is such a funny word. A lot of things rhyme with it. Aarf. Barf. Carf. Darf. Earf. Garf. Yarf. Zarf.

Then KitKat and Pitaface COPY ME. COPY ME. Probably because they are just DYING to be like me, but have to live in my shadow while they wallow in despair when they look at their shallow, idiotic selves.


Because they will never be like me. Not even close. Because I am too awesome for them to even -- Whoaaa... that mutt can jump like no one's buisness. I have a feeling it might be Thresh, but he doesn't have a bottled water with him, so clearly, he ain't gonna kill me.

Okay, I underestimated him.

People can kill you without the assistance of a water bottle.




This will be a long night. I look down at Katniss and Peeta.

There is blood on my face. When Katniss is distracted, I see a perfect opportunity. Muwahaha.

I grab Peeta by his legs and pull him into a headlock. I've got him now. And then Katniss turns. And I smile at her. Who knows, maybe she'll share her gum. But anyway, she looks up at me, preparing to shoot. Then I remember something Fox said.

"If you shoot me, he goes down with me. Then you win. Then you get to go home. Then you get to have everything you've ever wanted." I know the audiences' hearts are just about breaking now, and Katniss will never hear the end of how she didn't save Peeta in time... and then I'll have her, and I'll do all I ever wanted to do. Bring pride to my District. I smile. I've won now. I'll have all the kiwis I'll ever need. And maybe some of them will be able to fly. I love that. I smile at her, tauntingly, a skill I've practiced for several years to my siblings. "Sorry Katniss. But it looks like Loverboy will be going somewhere without you," I sing to her, adding a face at the end. With my free hand, I pretend to cut my neck with my finger (you know, GRRKT!) and then she raises her bow. I throw one of the knives I have at her and it hits her in the foot. It seems to hurt and it draws blood, but she's not very harmed very much. Her body convulses. Then I feel something warm and wet on my hand.

First, I had the feeling that Peeta lacked control in his body functions when I felt that wamth in the vicinity of my hand. But then I saw that Peeta had drawn an X on me.

But wha...

I can't see the arrow until it's right directly in front of my face. I let go. Peeta falls on the ground. Katniss lunges forward to save him. And then...

Peeta's blood is all over the Cornucopia, and the mutts are lifting their legs. No wonder it's so darn slippery. I shoot off the Cornucopia. "DON'T JUST STAND THERE YOU IDOTS! HELP ME! HELP ME!" I yell as I fall down. I hit the ground and then the mutts surge forward to eat me alive. Be. Aggressive. Be. Aggressive. ROWR! I remember saying that to Marvel. That's my catchphrase. And I will be aggressive.

Ver aggressive/.

I take the sword out and start fighting off the mutts, trying to make it back to the tail end of the big Cornucopia. I can hear the two lovebugs consoling each other.

Some of this conversation I didn't hear, so I'm filling in the blanks, in CAPITOL LETTERS

P: My leg is paining me greatly. Katniss, have you any medicine?



K: ME TOO. Don't go to sleep... we might never wake up. I'm scared, peeta.

P: ME TOO, BUT CATO WAS SO BRAVE. HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN VICTOR. I'm scared too. I hope we can make it out of these games. I love you, Katniss.

K: LET'S SMOOCH PASSIONATELY. Peeta... I wish... I just want to get out of here. Congratulations, Peeta.

P: He's not dead yet (BECAUSE OF HIS ULTIMATE AWESOMISTICALISTICAL IMMORTALITY). And my leg might... he might win you know.


P: YESHH! CATO FLIPPIN SWIMS IN AWESOME SAUCE. We'll make it through the night, Katniss. I promise we will.


I can't believe that they think they can beat all the Careers. I mean, look at us. We're shiny. But obviously they have beaten us all. Except mehhh... but I'm starting to hurt, you know? I keep fighting off the mutts, but more of them just keep coming and coming and coming. Finally, I give up. I just sit there while they attack me.

Well, this is it, I guess. Katniss and Peeta are going to win unless of course by some sort of magic, they get hit by a meteor and then the Capitol people will come and get my face back.

Or maybe....


Probably not, but it COULD HAPPEN!

I'm still counting on it. But when it finally becomes night, I don't even think I have enough strength to open my eyes.

I still can't open my eyes. I can't do anything. I just sit there. Feeling miserable.

Then Katniss gets her bow up, and this is it I tell you. Because there I am, dying a slow painful death inside, and then someone ruined the drama.



Me. And then I died. The end.

It's over.

ilu all <3


~Cato |33~

A few pictures from my arena gallery

Catoitg1 So loveable.

Catoitg2This one's Brutus! This is you, big guy! (quite literally.....)

Catoitg3Me and a stick knife

Catoitg4Me and Brutus: a bonding moment

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