Katniss: Hello! And welcome to the official, first round of... *drumroll* THE HUNGER GAMES HAS GOT TALENT! *applause* Now today, we have our judges: Me! Cato! Gale! *applause* Now, our first contestant is Peeta Mell --

Gale's buzzer: ZZZZT!

Katniss: He didn't even get a chance!

Gale: Okay fine....

Katniss: Okay Peeta! You ready?

Peeta: Yep! It's been said and done

Every beautiful thought's been already sung
And I guess right now here's another one
So your melody will play on and on, with best of 'em
You are beautiful, like a dream come alive, incredible
A centerfold miracle, lyrical
You've saved my life again
And I want you to know baby

I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
And I keep hittin' re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

Gale's buzzer: ZZZZT!

Gale: Back off you loser, she's mine!

Cato's buzzer: ZZZZT!

Katniss' buzzer: ZZZZT!

Katniss: Sorry Peeta. Next!

  • Foxface walks in*

Foxface: Hi, I'm Foxface and I'm singing a song...

I can be tough, I can be strong
But with you, it's not like that at all
There's a girl that gives a s!!!
Behind this wall, you just walk through it

And I remember all those crazy things you.... I forget the rest

Katniss' buzzer: ZZZZT!

Cato's buzzer: ZZZZT!

Gale's buzzer: ZZZZT!

Katniss: Okay... now time for our newest contestant... Venia!

Venia: OMG.... KATNISS! I TOTALLY! LIKE, NEED TO DO YOUR NAILS! What's your favorite color! I am amazing at nails! OMG.

Katniss: Um... green?

  • Venia does Katniss' nails

Katniss: Um... this is blue?

Gale's buzzer: ZZZZT!

Cato's buzzer: ZZZZT!

Katniss' buzzer: ZZZZT!

Katniss: Okayy.... next contestant... Glimmer!

Glimmer: Hi everyone!

Katniss: Um... hi. What now?

Glimmer: I'm going to sing...

Katniss: Okay.

  • Glimmer throws up all over everything*


Gale: Someone get the mop! MOP! MOP!

All buzzers: ZZZZT!

Katniss: Please pause momentarily while we get this cleaned up.

Cato: While we're waiting, we can do another commercial! How about underwear this time? Instead of socks?

Katniss: Okay! we're back on THE HUNGER GAMES HAS GOT TALENT!

Cato: Not reeeeeally...

Gale: Up next is Rue!

Rue: Hi guys!

Put your hands up, I'm playing my song, you know it's gonna be okay... Yeah, yeah, yeahehyeah, it's a party in the USA...

Cato: What's the USA? I thought we lived in Panem.

All buzzers: ZZZZT!

Katniss: Sorry Rue.

Rue: It's okay, I guess I'll try harder next time *glares at Cato*


Katniss: Sit down and shut up... next contestant is...

Haymitch: *Gasp* I'm here

Cato: The next contestant wan't you!

Haymitch: Sit down you knucklehead! I'm drunk an' I'm singin' a solo! An' there ain't nothin you can do about it.

Do you like waffles!

Brutus, Chaff: Yeah we like waffles!

Haymitch: Do you like pancakes!

Brutus, Chaff: Yeah we like pancakes!

Haymitch: Do you like french toast!

Brutus, Chaff: Not really...

Haymitch: *growls*

  • Suddenly Effie knicks Haymitch aside*

Katniss: Effie...? You're not the next contestant either!

Effie: I know, I have come to save you from Haymitch's bad singing. Now please... I would like to participate in the act.

Katniss: Okay.

*Effie turns into...*

All buzzers go off: ZZZZT!

Katniss: Well, that was different. Next contestant is...

The boy: I want to participate!

Katniss: What? You come into the story zillions of years later!

The boy: I know! But I want to show you something!

Twirls pencil between fingers.

1 hour passes

Cato: zzzzz....

2 hours pass

Gale: zzzzz....

Katniss: NEXT!

Cato: Great! Now the Hunger Games has no good acts in the FUTURE either!

Katniss: Who's next?

Gale: The boy from D3.

BFD3: Hello. I am here to set up a land mine.

Katniss, Gale, Cato stare wide eyed as BFD3 dances all around with a stick of dynamite in his hand. BFD3 starts spinning.

BFD3: Spin spin spin spin spin spinspinspinspin

Katniss: Wait! Stop! You'rre going to...

BFD3: spinspinspinspinSPINSPINSPINSPIN

Cato: You're going to explode!


Gale: Great. Our only decent participant exploded.

Cato: At last, I exact revenge. Well, not really.

Katniss: Wow, fail. Come on. Let's get the heck out of here. Thanks again for wasting your time watching, THE HUNGER GAMES HAS NOT GOT TALENT!

Cato: Let's get out of here!

Gale: Come on guys, let's go out for ice cream.

Katniss: Good idea. Bye.

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